Judge — February 11, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Jack—I should think you Vassar girls would get up an orchestra. Jill—Oh, we couldn't! “Why not?” “Not a girl there would play second fiddle.”"—Cornell Widow. MARY AGAIN ‘ARY had a little lamb, Its price was awful high; And should you ask who paid the bill, T'll answer, it was I. Someone wrote a little verse Of Mary and her lamb. I think I've read it somewhere else, But I don’t give a damn! —Yale Record. WHERE THERE'S A WILL Tim—In the parlor last night Helen wouldn’t kiss me because it might wake up the family. Tom—Tough luck, old top. “Not at all; we left the parlor.”— Ohio Sun Dial. REALLY NEW Agent—I’ve got a device here for getting energy from the sun. Mr. Jones—Here! Give me one for mine.—Princeton Tiger. ON BOTH First Souse— Haw, haw! good joke on you. Second Souse—Whasha good joke? Number one—Thash not your hat yer sittin’ on. Dodger. Thash ’Smine.—Washington Sun Irrepressible, With the College Wits Irresponsible Joyous, A TOURIST’S KNOWLEDGE Woman—I should think you would be ashamed to beg in this neighbor- hood. Tramp—Don't apologize for it, mum, I've seen worse.— Williams Purple Cow. INCIDENTAL Gulf—I understand that you are going to take up golf. Goof—Oh, just enough to be able to read the comic papers intelligently. —Amherst Lord Jeff. EXPENSIVE MATHEMATICS “Let me see,” said the young man thoughtfully, “I've got to buy some flowers, and some confectionery, and some theater tickets, and—” “Doing mental arithmetic?” in- quired the man at the desk. “No, sentimental arithmetic.”—Pitt Panther. PROOF POSITIVE “Do you think thought transference is possible?” I asked. “I know it is,” she replied—and then slapped my face.—California Pelican. ADVICE I ask you, do you like a girl who talks baby-talk and smokes between words; who dances almost divinely, and prefers bridge on the piazza toa set of tennis in the sun; who -thinks that Einstein is a clothing merchant, and that Chopin wrote jazz? You don’t! Well, then, my son, stay away from the flappers.—Wesleyan Warp. She—Half of the women here don’t know how to dress. ONE THING MORE Farmer—I've shown ye yer room, an’ told ye about hours, an’ board, an’ wages. What more do ye want ter know? Hand—Let's jest have a look about the cellar—Mass. Ag. Squib. Are You Coming In? JURGE'S Annual College Wits Number ‘will be published on May 6 next. Are you going to be represented in it? matter for this number should be in dressed “College Wits West 43d Street, New three cups—for the best college showing, for the best literary feature, and for the best art jeature. Each contribution must bear the name, class and college of the contributor. THE WRONG SETTING TH candelabra glowed a glare Upon her soft, elusive hair And shone profound affection where... They sat. The lad requested but one kiss From the aforesaid little miss. “Now don’t refuse,” he said, this... Or that.” “for “By these little lights above you I a@bre you, little dove, you,” She*replied, “I cannot love you... Here!” —Harvard Lampoon. It—And the other half den't.—Californian Pelican. 21