Judge, 1922-02-04 · page 9 of 36
Judge — February 4, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three separate humorous pieces satirizing social conventions of the era (likely 1920s-30s). **"The Incredible"** and **"The Wrong Time"** are brief jokes mocking bridge players and romantic miscalculation respectively—standard magazine humor requiring no special context. **"Grammatrimony"** is a poem by Hamilton Craigie satirizing overly intellectual, pretentious speech in marriage. The narrator describes his wife using absurdly formal grammatical terminology ("hyphenate," "pluperfect," "vinculum") rather than genuine emotion, mocking educated affectation. **"Reformed"** satirizes a cynical bachelor. A woman reformed him—he quit drinking, smoking, and gambling at her request. When asked why he didn't marry her, he reveals he "could do better," suggesting her reforming power made him respectable enough to pursue someone else. **"Quite a Prize"** is Prohibition-era satire: a man acknowledges his girlfriend is plain and aging, but he's marrying her because her father is a bootlegger (illegal alcohol distributor)—a darkly comic commentary on Prohibition's economic incentives and moral compromises.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INCREDIBLE “How long have you been playing bridge?” asked the man who had been dummy. “About five years,” replied his part ner, who had played the hand with a superb disregard for the rules of strategy “Impossible! No one could ever acquire such colossal ignorance of the game in so short a time.” THE WRONG TIME “Miss Bygnoyse is getting sarcastic.” “What makes you think that?” “I took her home last night. and before we parted she said she would give me a kiss for every star I could see in the sky.” “Well?” “It was raining.” rather “BORN TO BLUSH UNSEEN” Grammatrimony By Hamilton Craigie Y wife and I are hyphenate In happy conjugation; Pluperfect is our wedded state In blissful correlation. No moments tense invade her moods In verbal interjection: Pronouncements harsh, nor altitudes Of passionate inflection Save, periodically phrased (Indicative of gender). The question-mark of Love is raised, Provocatively tender A vinculum of perfect bliss By sacerdotal ‘function, Grammatically joined, I wis, We live in sweet conjunction REFORMED “And at her request you gave up drinking?” “Yes, sir.” “And you quit same reason?” “I did.” “And you no longer swear because of her disapproval?” “Most assuredly.” “And it was for her that you gave up dancing, poker parties and pool playing?” “Absolutely.” “Then why did you not marry her?” “Well, sir, after all this reforming I saw I could do better.” QUITE A PRIZE “She's no longer young, and not what you'd call a good-looker.” “No, but her father is a bootlegger.” cigarettes for the