Judge, 1922-02-04 · page 8 of 36
Judge — February 4, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"The Crucial Test"** (poem by Strickland Gillian): A golfer enters heaven and St. Peter checks his golf scorecard against divine records. The satire mocks golfers' honesty—the man is admitted to heaven only because he honestly reported his scores when playing alone, a rarity. The joke suggests golfers routinely cheat and lie about their scores, making simple honesty extraordinary. **"Embarrassing"**: A senator wants to cut government spending, but a bureaucrat reveals he employs a constituent to "check" useless statistics. The satire exposes political patronage and wasteful government jobs created for constituents, not actual need. **"Short Cuts to Fame"** and other brief items mock get-rich-quick schemes and absurd celebrity paths—becoming a bearded lady, surviving amputation, or relying on inherited wealth—satirizing superficial American success culture. The top cartoon illustrates women on public transportation, captioned about not understanding timetables, likely mocking contemporary gender stereotypes about female incompetence with practical matters.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
— } } The Crucial Test By Strickland Gillilan NE time an earthly golfer man Arrived at heaven's gate. At Pete's request the chap began His doings to relate. The gateman listened listlessly To what the golfer said, While babbling on resistlessly: Then Peter shook his head: “But, after all, we're wasting time For you and also me. Your record seems devoid of crime As records all should be Rut if you have your golfing score Somewhere about your person, That evidence will help us more Than what you are rehearsin’.” Pete took the score and handed it To some one near the throne And said: “Glance over that, a bit: Note, when he played alone, If what he entered on his card Will tally with the mark Your record shows. If not—'tis hard But he must seek the dark.” The grand recording angel took The cards thus handed in, Compared them with his hefty book, Then answered with a grin: “Aye, stroke for stroke he entered them, Such record's seldom made.” Give him a special diadem— Though quite alone he played! Ht 1 ‘ait yj Why the women don’t need to understand the time-tables EMBARRASSING “Senator, I know you want to save the Government money.” “To be sure.” “So I must inform you that these statistics my department sends to the Capitol are entirely useless.” “My dear friend, you will oblige me by saying nothing further on that sub- sect,” eh?” “I have a constituent who draws a salary for checking them up.” HOMELESS “They say New Yorkers never go inside their friends’ homes.” “Why should they? They never go inside their own.” ~ ANCESTRAL Reggie—Do you think, Bishop, that St. Peter was an ancestor of our Peter's? Kinda same sort of job, and the name is the same, too. Wii Short Cuts to Fame By Lisle Bell you can become a bearded lady in a circus, if you're not too much of a lady to grow a beard. You can become a famous juggler if you can carry a dozen bottles of nervous home-brew up from the cellar without an explosion If you bang your piano every night and your hair every morning, you can become either a Paderewski or a pub- lic nuisance. If you're not afraid of water, ice, or elephants, you can become a chorus girl at the Hippodrome. You may be able to get along with- out appendix, tonsils and other ap- paratus, but if you survive an ampu- tation at the neck, you will be famous. If you spend ten years losing your hair, and get it all back with three applications of something out of a bottle, you'll be almost as famous as a bootlegger. You can become a millionaire in your spare time, if you can just spare enough, and some rich relative leaves you $998,000. FAR FROM IT “What did you think of the play?” “I'll never be able to convince my- self that such a show should be sub- ject to an amusement tax.” ONE REFORMING INFLUENCE A pair of tight shoes will do more to restrain a man from roaming from his fireside than all the blue laws that can be devised