Judge — January 28, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mrs, Newlywed (on her first day's shopping)—I want two pieces of steak and—and about half a pint of gravy.— London Opinion THE newly elected president of a banking institution was being in- troduced to the employees. He singled out one of the men in the cashier's cage, questioning him in detail about his work, etc. “I have been here forty years,” said the cashier's assistant, with conscious pride, “and in all that time I only made one slight mistake.” “Good,” replied the president. “Let me congratulate you But hereafter be more careful."—Wall Street Jour- nal The senator was tack home, looking after his political fences, and was ask- ing the minister about some of his old acquaintances. “How's old Mr. Jones?” he inquired “Will I be likely to see him to-day?” “You'll never see Mr. Jones again,” said the minister. “Mr. Jones has gone to heaven.”"— Washington Star. Polly—I can't make up my mind whether to marry for love or for money Dolly — Well, love is blind, but money talks, at any rate—New York Sun “Henry, do you see that man trying to flirt with me?” “No, my dear, how can I? You are standing right in the way.” —Sans- Gene, Paris “Any woman who doesn't cars how her hair looks in the back is des perately ill."—Atlanta Journal We went forth with our $27 outfit in a launch, with a guide, to the fish ing grounds, and lost our bait On the way back we saw an un kempt kid with a bamboo stick, a piece of crab line and some rusty hooks, stringing up eighteen trout that he had caught from the end of a county bridge What we wanta say is, fish is kids" mutton—Richmond Times-Dispatch “It was a case of love at first sight when I met Jack.” “Then why didn’t you marry him?” “I met him again so often."—Boston Transcript. Farmer—Would you like to buy a jug of cider? Tourist—Well—er—is it ambitious and willing to work?—New York Eve- ning World. Elihu Q. Briggs (of Chicago, view- ing ancestral portraits in ducal man- sion)—Gee whizz! You've sure got a fine stock of canned goods here!— Passing Show (London). “Pa,” said little Thomas Twobble “what is prima facie evidence of guilt?” “Possessing a bottle-capping ma- chine, my son,” said Mr. Twobble.— Birmingham Age-Herald. “He proposed to me last night, mother. What shall I do?” “But, my dear daughter, you've only known him three weeks.” “I know that, mother, but on the other hand if I delay in accepting him he might find out some things about me he won't like, too.”—Indianapolis News. Sportsman — Chudleigh is a good shot, isn’t he? Second Sportsman—We were prac- ticing with our guns the other day and he hit the bull's-eye the first time “Very clever.” “Yes: but he chad to pay for the bull."—Anzwers (London) Worlds Humor ‘Thanks for this beer prescription, doctor. It will certainly save my life.” “I hope so,” said the physician, dryly. “And, by the way, I'm a litile out of touch with the sources of supply Do you know whether or not druggists are going to sell pretzels?"—Birming- ham Age-Herald “My wife saved ten dollars at a bar- ain sale to-day.” “Did she give you back the ten?” “Not much! She demanded fifteen more to buy a new hat Her old one was trampled on in the rush."—New York Sun “Do you remember reading about young bloods who drank champagne from a woman's slipper?” “Yes,” replied Miss Cayenne. “The custom was much more picturesque than the present one of depending on a bootleg.” —Washington Star. Mrs. Hokus—I understand your hus- band prides himself on being a handy man about the house. I suppose he can make anything. Mrs. Pokus—Oh, yes; about the only thing he falls down on is making both ends meet—New York Sun. “What's the difference between a parrot and a preacher?” “I don’t know—never thought about slip it to me.” “Well, simply this: the parrot swears without thinking, and the preacher is often forced to think without swear- ing."—Florida Times-Union. it “I would like to have a globe of the earth.” “What size, madam?” “Life-size. of course."—Le Journal Amusant (Paris).