Judge — January 21, 1922 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IS A COLLEGE EDUCATION NECESSARY? Certainly the course of study on “Corset Parking” is the stay, you might say, of any curriculum. Here the modern spirit of disarmament has not gone to waist, and woe to the armored “sub” discovered to be continuing the methods Speaking of Tortures By Baron Ireland WEEN the Spanish Inquisition was suspicious that a guy Had a lot of money hidden from its kind paternal eye, It would take him and would break him bone from bone upon the rack And would let the Iron Maiden spike him slowly through the back; It would brand him with an iron; it would stretch him on a truss; It would do a lot of things that—well, that wouldn’t do with us; But, although made up of hangmen, butchers, torturers and their ilk, Yet it never made its victims drink a glass of buttermilk. But I have a heartless doctor, An unfeeling, brutal doctor, Who compels me every day to drink a quart of buttermilk! When the kalsomined Apache chanced a victim for to take, He would shoot him full of arrows and consume him at the stake; Too, the method of procedure used by Nero of ill fame In the case of Christian martyrs was substantially the same; But I’m sure that my physician in his |¢ cosmos has combined All the qualities of all those men of low and cruel mind. Though I writhe and though I strug- gle, with a smile as smooth as silk, He continues to prescribe a daily quart of buttermilk, Oh, the cold and curséd villain! Oh, the smiling, damnéd villain! May his soul in hell forever more be soused in buttermilk! Ugh! of “Old Ironsides”! HINDSIGHT “I’m sorry, now, that I never studied law.” “Why? Think you could have made more money?” “No; but I could have saved the ten thousand that breach of promise suit cost me!” HOW TO KEEP THEM Mother—How on earth do you ex- pect to keep your friends if you are never ready when they call for you? Daughter—Waiting. ILLUMINATIVE “You wrote on my little son’s report that he was too much like Germany,” cried the indignant ex-service man. “Yes,” admitted the school principal. “I used the expression so as to make plain the fact that he had altogether too many bad marks.” — Drawn by Hetene SILBERFELD, “And why do you call Jack your rain-beau?” “He’s always the first to show up after we've had a storm.” 4 Common to Husbands By Katherine Negley ‘THE chauffeur opened the door of the limousine, a beautiful lady mag- nificently dressed stepped out, followed by her husband, smooth shaven and well groomed. She looked at a string of pearls displayed in a jeweler’s shop and her husband looked at her. He knew how it would end. A middle-class couple alighted from the street car, plainly bent for a movie, but the woman paused spellbound be- fore a window of fur, the kind of fur she had always wanted. Her husband knew of many things they were going to do without, but the furs were not among them. Pat and Bridget, dressed in their Sunday best, passed a baby carriage and Bridget stopped to play with the tiny occupant. Pat groaned as he looked at her. There were so many mouths to feed already. The man in the flat tried to get his wife to look another way until the chow dog passed by but she saw it. He watched her with asigh. His evenings were to be spent at the end of a string. The South Sea Islander lay in the sun. His wife looked longingly at some cocoanuts hanging high, but he merely grunted and rolled farther into the sun. The look common to hus- bands in civilized countries was not at all necessary here. If she wanted the cocoanuts, she might get them herself. And civilized husbands are begin- ning to think the same way. THE MODERN CAVALIER “Edith says she is sure she’s Jack’s soul mate.” “Sole mate? Poor thing! got half a dozen girls.” Why, he’s