Judge — January 21, 1922 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

best. ———— Old Lady—Aren’t you ashamed of 1) yourself? Why are you abusing that 1} poor boy in that cruel manner? Wy Boy on Top—Aw, I ain’t abusin’ HF him! I’m just usin’ my lie detector on him! HIS USE OF THE WORD It was a foreign class composed of Slavs and one Italian. This unbal- anced race distribution resulted in the | little Italian boy being at the mercy } of the others, and they were certainly By aware of it. The teacher was examining this group in the use of words. After a a few more or less successful answers i) she came to the word “disguise,” and i also to the little Italian’s turn. j “Now,” she said, “I want to know | the meaning of disguise. Tony, you } give me a sentence with disguise in it.” Tony gazed at the grinning faces of his class-mates, who not so very long 4 before had been teasing him, and re- iB plied with vehemence: “T hate dese guys.” 4 I HIS INTERPRETATION i Kenneth, age five, was playing in the back yard with his particular girl friend. The door opened, and his mother called cheerily. “Come, my boy, I want you to come now and take a bath.” “A bath?” questioned the lad in dis- may. “Nota bath in the tub, mother!” “Yes, Kenneth,” was the firm answer, “a bath in the tub—all over.” And the next door neighbor felt as though he had stolen one of the family secrets when he heard a boyish voice ring out: “All over? Where are we going?” All others at regular rates. First Prize AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT A fashionable wedding was being celebrated in Philadelphia at one of the exclusive social clubs. One couple arrived very early, and in alighting from the vehicle the gentleman slipped and ripped his trousers in a very noticeable manner. His wife hur- ried him into the “ladies’ retiring room.” Owing to their early arrival, there was no one in this room but the maid, who was well supplied with needle, thread, buttons, etc., The wife placed for emergencies. her husband behind a screen; he passed his trousers over to her, and she handed them to the maid for repairs. Before the trousers had been mended a number of women were trying to get into the room, and the wife was trying to hold them out. At last she turned in de- spair to a door just back of her husband, pulled it open, shoved him through and slammed the door. The husband pounded on the door and yelled, “For goodness sake, let me in! I am in the ball- room!” Second Prize A GUARANTY In the days before the great flight of stimulants it happened that, through engine failure, a train was halted at a town in New Jersey. The wait had become monotonous, especially to one large, florid gentleman, who wandered out on the platform between cars. Spying the conductor, he asked about the delay, and was told that the wait would be close to an hour, or until a relief engine could be sent from Jersey City. “Can I get a drink in this town?” he asked. He could. “Well, if I do go, there’s no likelihood you'll pull out and leave me?” he persisted. The con- ductor shook his head negatively. “That’s all right,” continued the passenger, “but what guarantee have 18 RIES TO TELL i) f JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second Original, unpublished humorous stories only are desired. you that I won't be stranded here in this two-by-four town.” “Take me with you,” conductor. And he did. replied the NOT THE TARGET A motion-picture company from one of the studios in Los Angeles was out on location. In one of the big scenes some revenue officers with machine guns and sawed-off shotguns were sup- posed to open fire on the rum smug- glers, who were to fire right back again. Finally everything was ready for the action. “Shoot at will!” rector. The rattle of blank musketry filled the air. A gun-wad whistled past the shouted the di- cameraman’s exposed ear; scraps of cartridge material fell at his feet. “The di- My “Hey, there!” he yelled. rector said to shoot at Will. name is George!” “Aw—the darn story's continued!”