Judge — January 7, 1922 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN INTERNAL REVOLUTION “What is the coroner’s verdict on the deceased?” “Death from acute indigestion, your Honor.” “Acute indigestion? Why, the evi- dence states that the victim had the plainest of suppers.” “I forgot to state, your Honor, that the meal consisted of English mutton and Irish potatoes.”—Columbia Jester. KERECT! “My idea of grand larceny,” quoth the philosophical thug, “is when you get away with it.”—Dartmouth Jack o’ Lantern. THE GRIEF OF THE GOVERNOR I sent my son to Princeton With a pat upon the back. I spent ten thousand dollars And got a ‘quarterback. —Princeton Tiger. Him—How pretty your brief case is. Her—Why, Mr. O’Spivis, I’ve no brief case. Him—I beg your pardon, but you— —er—skirt, you know—.”—California Pelican. Irrepressible, Joyous, JUDGE'S COLLEGE WITS NUMBER ‘THE annual College Wits Num- ber of Judge has been one of the most notable issues in the magazine field. Its next appear- ance will be early in May, some- what later than formerly, in order that contributors may have a more leisurely period in which to pre- pare for it. All matter intended for it, however, must be in hand early in March. The number of College Comics has more than doubled during the past three years, admittedly through Judge's influence, and the next College Wits Number of His Honor should surpass all others in the amusing variety of its contents. All mat- ter published in this annual num- ber is original, and its text and illustrations show the happy spirit of the college boys and girls the country over as no other medium can set it forth. Three valuable silver cups are given as principal prizes, and all contributions used will be paid for at usual rates. This timely notice is given in order that intending contributors may prepare themselves for the joyous contest of wits. THE FRESHMAN (Producing a complete rotation in the grave of J. Greenlief Wittier) LESSINGS on thee, little chap, With thy cunning little cap, Freshman green, with aching heart Had to from thy mother part, Sadly trudging on to class; Chased by sophomores off the grass— You are better off than they— You haven’t learned their blatant way! —Cornell Widow. APPRECIATION Critic—I made my side ache over your latest book. Author—Really. it so amusing? “Oh, no. I just fell asleep on top of it.”—Lafayette Lyre. And did you find ALL SHE NEEDS “My dear Mrs. Smith, I think your daughter recites remarkably well, don’t ou?” “Yes. All she needs is a short course in electrocution, sort of to finish her off, as you might say.”— Harvard Lampoon. 26 Irresponsible MY PATRON SAINT There are saints in every country, From Ireland to France; And my favorite among them Is the patron of the dance. For the others are so solemn That they scarcely can delight us; So I'll dedicate this ditty To my good old friend, St. Vitus. —Dartmouth Jack o’ Lantern. Dear Editor—What kind of flowers did Methuselah send his wife on the various centennials of their marriage? —H. I. Biscus. Answer—We do not know, but we suppose it was a century plant.—Mis- souri Showme. She—What do you mean by kissing me? What do you mean? He—Er, er, nothing. “Then don’t you dare do it again. I won’t have any man kissing me un- less he means business, d’ye hear?”— Columbia Jester. He—Remember last year when we sat here how you— She—Yes. But lightning never strikes twice in the same place. He—Shall we sit over there?—Yale Record.