Judge — January 7, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BIRTH OF A NATION “Thus Erin, O Erin! thy winter is past; And the hope that lived through it shall blossom at last."—Tom Moore. Feminine Efficiency By William Sanford MY wife takes pride in.being very clever. She has recently arrived at the con- clusion that the first act of a sneak thief. who wished to enter a house in the daytime would be to look under the doormat for the key. So my wife has exercised her strategy, and now hangs the key on a little nail, partly covered with vines, just to the left of the door, when she goes out for the afternoon, My wife takes much pride in her cleverness. She has told all of the members of her bridge club about it, and all of the members of all of the other clubs she belongs to, and every other woman in town that she knows. She has not told me that she has told them, yet I know she has, because I know my wife. Yesterday Mr. Brown said to me: “My wife says that Mrs. Jones told her that your wife keeps her doorkey on a little nail, partly covered with vines, just to the left of the door, when she goes out, instead of put- ting it under the mat. Clever idea, eh?” At the Flubdub wedding reception last evening Mr. White said to me: “My wife says that Mrs. Green told her that Mrs. Black said your wife told her she didn’t keep her doorkey under the mat any more, but hung it on a little nail, partly covered with vines, just to the left of the door. Your wife’s a clever woman!” This morning I was riding on a street car, and chanced to overhear the conversation of two men, decidedly not of the élite, in the seat just ahead of me. “They say she hangs the key on a little nail, partly covered with vines, just to the left of the door,” remarked the individual next to the window. “Sure,” replied his companion on the aisle seat. “I heard it, too. We'll hang around this afternoon until she goes out and then—” I did not care to hear any more. Near the next white pole stood a police station. I arose and signalled the conductor. I am a believer in preparedness. Somehow I find it rather a bore at times to be the husband of a clever woman! THE CATCH “Florence can understand any foreign language just as well as she does Eng- lish.” “Heavens! guist?” “No, deaf.” Isn’t she a great lin- Because I Feed Him By Ruth Bassett BESIDE me lived a family who called themselves my friends— The son, the wife, the husband—and the dog. Whene’er my home-life went amiss, these neighbors made amends; We grew as thick as raindrops in a fog. But now I gaze upon the hostile win- dows of their home; The son, the wife, the husband pass me by; For Fortune is a fickle jade and ever wont to roam— And favors given must be returned —or die. So ended friendship’s too rank growth with neighbors by my side; The lesson I will keep in memory’s log: But one of all that family with me is still allied— And that’s the poor old mongrel of a dog! INDIFFERENT “Are you going to see the new pic- ture, ‘Passion’s Alphabet’?” “No. I don’t care for these educa- tional films.”