Judge — December 31, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Guest—It’s very easy to know you have a new maid. fingerprints on the plates are so different.”"—Le Rire (Paris). Ef you wuz ter ride in de ol’ oxo- mobile in dis day an’ time folks would say you wuz a back number; but even at that, it’s lots better’n bein’ tossed ter glory by a limousine that disputes de road with a railroad train—Atlanta Constitution. “Ain't no old-folk in dis town,” re- marked a colored laborer as he pitched a shovelful of dirt from one side of the road to the other and stopped to rest awhile. “No old-folkses ’tall; ’n no chilluns, neither. All the old folks rassel round like young uns and de chillun dun growed up ’fore dey gits started!” After which soliloquy he resumed work, for a few minutes.—Florida Times-Union. “How did you get on with spelling?” Harry’s mother asked him, after his first day at school. “You look so pleased that I’m sure you did well.” “No. I couldn’t spell much of any- thing,” admitted Harry, “and I couldn't remember the arithmetic very well, nor the geography.” The mother showed her disappoint- ment, but Harry had consolation in reserve. “But that’s no matter, mother,” he said; “the boys admire me; they say I’ve got the biggest feet in the class.” —Chicago News. A farmer boy in Maine hung a pedo- meter around his neck and it showed that he covered thirteen miles while doing the chores. But the Eldorado Times says a woman walks leagues farther than that while trying on a new coat before the store mirror.—Kansas City Star. 1st Knut—I wonder why those girls didn’t answer us when we spoke to them? 2nd Knut—Oh, I expect they’re telephone girls!—London Mail. “TI thought you said the world was coming to an end in thirty days.” “I did,” replied the soothsayer. “That prediction enabled me to renew a five-year lease with my landlord on very favorable terms.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Now that all the girls dress like that, the vamp has to do some real acting to put over the idea of wicked- ness.—Lincoln Star. A colored preacher in Alabama was one day talking to one of his aged parishioners, who ventured to express the opinion that ministers ought to be better ‘paid. “T’se sho’ glad to hear yo’ say dat,” responded the parson warmly. “I’se pleased dat yo’ think so much of de ministers. So yo’ think we’d ought to get bigger salaries?” “Sho’ I does,” said the old man. “Den we'd get a better class o’ men.” —Houston Post. “Now look here, Johnson, this man is doing double the work you do.” “That’s what I’ve been telling him, sir; but he won't stop.”—The Chris- tian Register (Boston). “That infant next door cries con- stantly.” “And yet,” mused Senator Sorghum, “1 don’t believe he actually has any- thing on his mind. He’s probably just filibustering.”—Washington Star. “Why do you recommend this lip- stick? Do the girls prefer it?” “I can’t say about that, Miss, but I do know that the boys like the taste of it.”~-Louisville Courier-Journal. “They told us,” said General Herbert G. Maxwell at a banquet in Chicago, “that it was a war to end war, and now, for all their peace and confer- ences, they are arming worse than ever. “They remind me of the chap who was asked for advice. “ ‘George,’ a married friend said to this chap, ‘my wife broke a china din- ner plate over my head last night. What would you advise me to do?’ “‘There’s only one thing for you to do,’ said George. “‘And what’s that, old man?’ said the married chap eagerly. “‘Buy tin dinner plates,’ George.”—Detroit Free Press. said First Lady—Henry Smith drinks aw- fully. Second Lady—Does he drink period- ically? “I don’t know what it’s called, but it surely is horrible smelling stuff.”—- Washington Times. “Who do you s’pose that queer look- ing feller was?” asked old Riley Rez- zidew, who was lounging in the lobby of the Petunia tavern. “A moving picture actor, I guess likely,” replied the landlord. “’Ten- nyrate, when he signed his name he registered disgust.”—Kansas City Star. “Was Mr. Grabcoin when you called?” “No, he must golf.” “Are you sure about that?” “Reasonably sure. The office force seemed to think he wouldn’t be back soon. Most of the clerks had their feet up on their desks and three stenographers were glued to tele- phones.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. in his office have been playing “I wonder if he knows I have money,” mused the girl who wanted to be loved for herself alone. “Has he proposed?” asked her best friend. “Why—er—yes,” she admitted. “Then he knows,” declared her best friend positively —Detroit Free Press. Park-keeper (giving a friendly warning)—You musn’t sit there. Lady (pugnaciously)—’Ere I am, an’ ’ere I stick!—London Mail. 24 comicbooks.com