Judge — December 24, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Customer—Wha’ fo’ yer got dat rub- bah plant in de show window? Barber—Dat am to infoam de public dat we gibs massage treatment. Marjorie’s little brother asked what she had learned in Sunday School. “Well,” she replied, “I learned that all our days are numbered.” “Pshaw!” exclaimed the little ques- tioner, “I think that anybody who ever saw a calendar would know that.”— Detroit News. “It appears to be your record, Mary,” said the magistrate, “that you have already been convicted thirty- five times of stealing.” “I guess that’s right, your honor,” answered Mary. “No woman is per- fect."—Philadelphia Ledger. “That you, dearie? I’m detained at the office on very important business and I may not be home until late. Don’t sit up for me.” “I won't, dearie. You'll come home as early as you can, won’t you? And John, dear—” “Yes; what is it?” “Please don’t draw to any inside straights.”—New York Sun. The City Nephew—I’'m glad to see Aunt Hetty dresses her hair sensibly instead of wearing those silly puffs over the ears. Uncle Talltimber—She tried 'em once an’ they got tangled up with the telephone receiver an’ she missed more’n half the gossip goin’ on over our 20-party line-—Boston Globe. Mrs. Pess—Wot's the use ov tryin’ ter make both ends meet, nahadays? “Do you really believe in heredity?” “Most certainly Ido. That is how I came into all my money!”—London Mail. “Did you tell the landlord that this house is about to fall down on our heads?” “Yes, I told him right in his teeth.” “And what did he do?” “He said insurance was only a side line with him, but he would be glad to write an accident policy for you and me and the dog.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “He’s so unlucky,” said the Billville citizen, “that ef his house wuz ter ketch fire, he’d lose his life tryin’ ter save a last year’s almanac!”—Atlanta Constitution. “Ah, for them happy days,” sighed the Kicker. “As to which, then?” inquired the Optimist. “Them happy days when a fellah used to save the change out of a nickel until he got a dollar.”—Rich- mond Times-Dispatch. “Come, Dorothy,” said her father im- patiently, “throw your doll on the bed and hurry or we shall be late.” “Daddy, how can you?” reproved the child. “I isn’t that kind of a muvver.” —Kansas City Star. The twenty-five cent restaurant meal has returned, and it clearly shows the ravages of time.—Linn County (Mo.) Budget. “George, you weren’t listening to what I said.” ‘what makes you think that, my “I asked you if you could let me have $75 and you smiled and said ‘Yes, dearest.’ ”"—Boston Transcript. EXPERIENCED Mrs. Jones was entertaining some of her son’s little friends. “Willie,” she said, addressing a six-year-old, who was enjoying a plate of cold beef “are you sure you can cut your own meat?” The child who was making desperate efforts with his knife and fork replied: “Yes, thanks. I’ve often had it as tough as this at home.”—The Chris- tian-Evangelist. Hevery time yer gets near it, the bloomin’ Chaunsteller of the Hexchequer comes along an’ moves the ends.”—The Weekly Telegraph (London). 24 comicbooks.com