Judge — December 17, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oe FIXING IT Judge—Did you steal those hogs? Rastus—No, suh. I nevah stole no hawgs, Jedge, yo’ honor. “Have you money to hire a lawyer to defend you?” “No, suh, I ain’t got no money, Jedge; but I kin give him one o’ de hawgs.”—Richmond Times-Dispatch. THE FRENCH SPoRTSWOMAN—Georges Carpentier was talking to a girl re- porter, “The modern Frenchman,” he said, “is well up in sport, but the French woman is still rather retrograde. “I know a young Frenchwoman who called a friend up on the telephone the other day and said: “T’m sorry to trouble you, dear madame, but can you give me a good recipe for cooking clay pigeons? Jacques has just sent me word that he is go- ing out to shoot some, and he is sure to bring a lot home, and I can’t find a single word about them in the cook- book.’ "—Detroit Free Press. “I hope you are saving that money that was left you, George. With care, you ought to be able to live comfort- ably for the rest of your life.” “Oi means to, Squire—Oi be agoin’ to use some of it to get a divorce, I be.”—London Opinion. the World’s knocks it! Wot wiv their seats in Parlyment an’ their seats outside, soon us men won't ’ave a seat to call our own!—Passing Show (London). Or Course, Miss INNOCENCE — It looked to her like a big idea. She had discovered one of those elusive, seduc- tive, tantalizing little tops, so popular now, in which the mere spinning of it gives one opportunity to take one, take all, pay three, etc. Being an Indianap- olis school teacher, she immediately noted it as a novelty. “Such a clever little thing,” she said to the clerk. “I’ve never seen a top like it before. What are they for?” “Well, they’re a sort of diversion,” the saleswoman replied. “Many people use them financially.” “Oh, yes, of course, of course. How many of them have you. I was just thinking they would be splendid in teaching the children combinations in numbers—nice for arithmetic, as it were.”—ZIndianapolis News. Darwin Wins—A visitor in an Aus- tralian home inquired of his host’s little son, “Do you go to school now?” “Yes, sir.” “And what do you learn—reading, writing, sums?” “Oh, yes, and I learn religion, too.” “Religion?” “Yes, I learn the little religion which teaches that we all come from Adam. But my older brother is in a higher class; he learns the big religion and that teaches that we all come from monkeys.”—Boston Transcript. PopuLaR ATTENTION—“Why do you think a classical education is not desir- able for your boy, Josh?” “Folks don’t appreciate it,” replied Farmer Corntassel. “I never yet saw a summer boarder who was educated enough to hold his audience when a feller pulled out a pack of cards and began to do tricks.”—Washington Star. “a Humor Borrowep—Mary came in from reces chewing gum for dear life. The teacher noticed her and said sharply: “Mary, come here and put your gum in the waste basket.” Mary took the gum from her mouth, but did not put it in the waste basket. And again the teacher said: “Mary, I told you to put that gum in the waste basket.” This time Mary started to ery and replied: “Miss J., I won’t chew the gum any more, but I can’t put it in the basket. It’s my sister’s gum and I have to give it back at noon.”—IJndianapolis News. LEADING THE BLIND—“What is your son doing since he got through college?” “Acting as an usher at weddings. That’s about all.”—Louisville Courier. Journal. CAUSE FOR ALARM Briggs—So you didn’t hear the burglar until he was leaving the house. Were you alarmed? Griggs—I should say so. I thought it the cook sneaking out on us.— Boston Transcript. my Tragedian — I hope furore with my Hamlet!” Comedian—Oh, rather! More than a few, I should say!—Passing Show (London). to make a comicbooks.com