Judge — December 17, 1921 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

the American Credo that dramatic critics may be bribed in one way or another, and that in their time each one of them is. The critic, I am told, may be bribed with money, with flat- tery, with dinner parties (or, better still, supper parties), with a pretty girl, or with one or more of a dozen other things. God knows, I hope it is true!’ Here I have been a dramatic critic for eighteen years, and the only lewd pourboires I have ever got out of it have been a free quarter cigar from Al Woods, a copy of “The Return of Peter Grimm” affectionately in- scribed by David Belasco, and a vocif- erous threat to knock my block off from Morris Gest. It isn’t fair. For during these eighteen years there hasp’t been a critic on a New York newspaper who, at Christmas - time, hasn't got a fine twenty-dollar box of Pall Mall cigarettes from the Schu- berts; who hasn’t been invited to have tea in Belasco’s “studio” (I am very fond of tea: it is more filling than “The Return of Peter Grimm,” which, incidentally, I could have got for noth- ing from my publisher); who hasn’t had an excellent dinner or supper with Emily Stevens, Margaret Wycherly, Lola Fisher or Laurette Taylor; who hasn’t got $500 in advance royalties from Oliver Morosco or some other manager on a_never-to-be-produced play of his; who hasn’t been flatter- ingly “consulted” by Winthrop Ames or Lee Kugel; who hasn’t had a fine free supper with schnapps on the Zieg- feld roof; who hasn’t received charm- ing New Year’s cards from a dozen sagacious actresses; who hasn't been shrewdly kidded by George M. Cohan; who hasn't had a short-time but lucra- tive job as a literary press-agent from Arthur Hopkins or William Harris, Jr.; or who hasn't got a free automo- bile ride and a toothsome roadhouse Welsh rabbit from some manager who wished his “honest opinion” of the show opening that night at Stamford or Far Rockaway. I‘ IS one of the cardinal articles of The Bribing of Dramatic Critics By Greorce JEAN NATHAN PROTEST against the neglect of me. I am jealous. Am I so much better than anyone else that I should be made to suffer when all this enviable bribery is going on? I am not. I want to be bribed too. Why should I be blackballed simply because 1 write for magazines? Why should I be regarded as the only critic in New York who can’t be approached? Damned if I know! It’s ridiculous. For years, the late Richard Mansfield used to bribe the provincial newspaper dramatic critics by inviting them to supper in his private car after the show, and by presenting them—right after the demitasse and cognac—with a large. photograph of himself auto- graphed, “To the greatest dramatic critic in America, with gratitude for his help and advice, from his respect- ful friend, Richard Mansfield.” For years, a certain New York firm of managers paid one well-known critic (now dead) well for his “valuable ad- vice” during rehearsals, while another producer furnished his flat for him for the same “valuable advice.” For years, a certain New York manager has never failed, when a newspaper reviewer takes sick, to send up to the house a splendid basket of fruit. And what have I got after a show, or for “valuable advice” (of which I am full), or when I am sick? In the words of Bert Williams’ song—nuthin’! No- body loves me. I am a rank failure. Iam the Two Orphans in one. N ORDER, therefore, to set the managers at rest concerning my honesty and to indicate to them pre- cisely in what directions, and for how much, I may be bribed, I have care- fully prepared the following catalogue. Cheques will please be certified, and all packages dziivered between 4 and 5:30 p.m.: To praise Robert B. Mantell’s SKIN GOAL” 0 cose siacace-e susie 5,000 To enthuse over J. Hartley Manners’ plays .......... $4,800 and two neckties To say that Samuel Shipman is a great dramatist....... To write a laudatory para- graph about Lou Tellegen..Around- trip ticket to Atlantic City, and a box of Villar y Villar perfectos. To say that Mrs. Leslie Carter is: beautiful ooo. osisieoe v0.06 A ma- hogany humidor, and $10. To say that Mary Eaton is beautiful ................. Nothing. To write a fine notice of “A Bill of Divorcement”...... shirts, a first edition of “Jurgen,” and $50. To admire the Hattons...... and a new fur overcoat. To write a flattering review of William A. Brady’s pro- GQUCHONS) ooieoceiesinisicce siscaineis Four automobile tires, a pair of Fownes’ gloves, a dozen linen handkerchiefs, and $15. To say that Elsie Janis is a BONUS ois sisiare corners One Cleveland, O., 514' Water Bond, due July 1, 1938. To say that “The Easiest Way” is one of the great American plays ........... $1,500 To work up an ecstasy over A. Pa MANNE wo coresaie ssrssersraaisssretets $300 and a box of Corona Cor- onas. To print a picture of Edmund: Breese ...... , pearl scarf-pin. To write a eulogy of Walter Hampden ................ Four free dinners at The Play- ers club, with taxi-cabs t both ways. © go to another play b: George Scarborough . WN of Joseph Conrad, and a pair of gold and ruby sleeve buttons. To praise Eugene O'Neill... To praise Edward Childs Car- penter .... F and a bronze writin, set. To admire elaborately Ben Ali Haggin’s living pictures. quarts of Pommery sec. To defend the Actors’ Equity Association as a benefit to the theater ssescensagurs One kiss on the forehead from Vice - President Ethel Barrymore. To admire Ethel Barrymore, the actress . . Nothing. $7,500 Six silk $10,000 - Nothing. $2,000 - Three Te T T T Te a