Judge — December 10, 1921 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a From a sketch by A, B. WALKER. SUCH IS FAME One of many families who hardly knew what a cocktail was before Prohibition days. Her Ambition Howard — Wo- men in politics make me sick! What sort of office could Miss Old- girl fill? Jay—The office that seeks the man. Some Forget It Lady (engaging nurse)—Have you had any experience with children? Nurse—Oh, yes! I was a child once myself. More Noise and Less Racket! “What are you doing, Freddy?” “Nothing, mother!” “Well, do it more quietly!” A Weakness of the Sex It isn’t at all unusual for a wife to stay longer on her honeymoon than her husband. Baldness The more a man’s head gets to look like an egg, the more responsive he becomes to the influence of a chicken. Egg View News-notes By Leslie Van Every Lem Bushnell, our marshal, openly admitted that he had been walking in his sleep late Tuesday night, when he found one of Ote Gimber’s fattest chickens under his coat and the muzzle of Ote’s shot-gun under his nose. Truman Bilge appeared in public yesterday for the first time since them bees tried to swarm in his whiskers. Button Edgin is working on a new chewing-machine. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but in this case laziness also is a very near rela- tive. What's in a Name? “Waiter, bring me a glass of ginger ale.” “Ginger ale, sir?” “Yes, ginger ale. You heard me.” “Yes, sir; but I’m a new waiter here, sir. Would you mind telling me what they usually serve you when you ask for ginger ale?” Shocking! “What righteous work is Brother Bluenose engaged in, this week?” “Uplifting the short skirt.” “Oh! Grandma, what a lot you missed!” 3 Man’s Prerogative When a dog is pleased he wags his tail and flaps his ears—but he can’t smile. A horse expresses his sense of well-being by rubbing his head on your shoulder and neighing—but he can’t smile. Birds chirp, cats purr, larks wheel high in the air and sing, roosters crow, monkeys swing violently by their tails from trees, bees hum—but man is the only member of the so- called animal kingdom that smiles. That’s where he has it on every other living creature. When man is well pleased he can smile, and even when he isn’t pleased he can give a pretty good imitation of a smile. Of course, a smile isn’t the remedy for every sovereign ill, but as the poet said, “It is easy enough to be pleasant when life goes by like a song. But the man worth while is the man who can smile when everything goes dead wrong.” Another Way If you haven’t the money to pay for a psycho-analysis, pick a quarrel with the village gossip. The Reward Hermione (ecstatically gazing at her first alimony check): I don’t see why every woman doesn’t get married! Back Again “Heard awhile ago that Jones had given up business to play golf.” “Yes, but now he’s given up golf to play business.” Cause and Result “Why is it that a ted-headed woman al- ways marries a very meek man?” “She doesn’t. He just gets that way.” comicbooks.com