Judge, 1921-12-10 · page 11 of 36
Judge — December 10, 1921 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page from *Judge* magazine presents satirical commentary on married life circa the early 20th century. The main article "Discords in Every Flat" by George Sinberg catalogs common marital arguments—babies, finances, cold soup, jealousy over other women—treating them as inevitable features of marriage rather than serious problems. The accompanying cartoon shows a domestic interior with what appears to be a couple in a heated argument, illustrating these "discords." The caption notes this is "the first time this winter that house has been really warm"—a dark joke suggesting marital quarrels generate heat, both literally and figuratively. Below are two brief anecdotes: "An Old Joke" presents a young man who claims platonic friendship with a woman is impossible, only to end up married with seven children ten years later—the "joke" being that he proved his own cynicism correct. The satire targets both naïve romantic idealism and the inevitability of conventional marriage outcomes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Discords in Every Flat By George Sinberg ARRIED folks may be divided into two kinds, those who quarrel continually and those who scrap once in a while. Similarly there are two causes for married-life disagreements: first, trifles; second, smaller trifles. Married folks are constantly quash- ing the old adage, “It takes two to start a quarrel,” for, biblically speak- ing, a married couple are one. Here are the favorite bones of con- tention for the daily eye-opening wrangle or the post-dinner spat. They are not listed in order of importance. Each is equally guaranteed to start a conflagration of adjectives at a mo- ment’s notice. Baby. The following questions will without question start Ma and Pa per- forming in the matrimonial squared circle: Is baby properly fed? From whom does he inherit that temper? Why does he have to have pins stuck into him? Why did you give him that penny to swallow? Business. Little self-starters: “I don’t like the face of your head book- keeper, he’s keep- ing something from you besides books.” “You didn’t handle that deal right, you should have—” “Is that undressed infant your sten- ographer!” Soup. The opening melody has only four notes: “Why is it cold?” This is easily jazzed into, “Where have you been all afternoon, neglecting din- ner?” and “If you think this is a res- taurant, why don’t you hire a chef?” Other Women. Some of the music for the bass voice: “Mrs. Wafflesimp is looking stun- ning _ to-night.” Variations for so- prano discolora- tura: Mrs. Waf- flesimp’s husband. Mrs. Wafflesimp’s husband’s income. Mrs. Wafflesimp’s husband’s_— gener- ous. disposition, Mrs. Wafflesimp’s husband’s car and care. Mrs. Wafflesimp’s beauty-spe- cialists. These are only a few of the subjects that will put any wedding-bells out of tune after the honeymoon. For other subjects take anything at all. And yet, you young couples con- templating matrimony, do not be dis- couraged by the above. There is a silver lining. Constant bombing opera- tions in the home-sector have their value. Many a woman, after a year or two of verbal scrimmages with hubby, has found it a pleasant, effort- less game to beat down the butcher and grocer. And many a man has had his jaw muscles so strengthened by exercising it on his wife, that even restaurant steak has no terrors for him. New Husband—My wife and I had a few words this morning. I told her forty dollars was too much to pay for The owner—This is the first time this winter that house has been really warm. 9 one hat, that she spent too much money on clothes anyway, that she would have to cut down materially on the house- hold expenses, that she would have to oversee the maid more, and that she would have to spend more time at home and less at clubs, parties and political meetings. That is the way to talk to them, isn’t it? Older Husband—Well, that is one way. An Old Joke By William Sanford I NEVER believed in platonic friend- ship. I've heard a lot about it, but I claim it’s a joke! But one summer I met a pretty girl who believed in it. She told me that our friendship would have to be pla- tonic or nothing. She said we could be good chums, and not spoil it all by becoming senti- mental. I didn't want to get mar- ried, so I readily agreed. As we both then knew that it would be perfectly safe, we started in at once with moonlight and so forth. That was ten years ago. To-day we have seven fine children, and my wife is very busy. So am I. Any woman who has ever had to take care of seven fine children knows how busy my wife is, and any man who has ever had to provide for that number knows how busy I am. I never believed in platonic friend- ship. I’ve heard a lot about it, but I claim it’s a joke! How Devices Change Delilah robbed Samson of his hair to get him in her power, but the modern Miss with a similar desire for man- power bobs her own. If She But Knew Agatha — What is the most impor- tant date ina girl’s life? Harriett — The day her future husband is born into the world. comicbooks.com