Judge — December 3, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Ever got any profit out of your garden?” “Oh, yes. A while ago I got sunstroke and annexed $500 from the Insurance Company.”—London Weekly Telegraph. “Some of the moonshine liquor in this region is pretty stout stuff, isn’t it?” inquired a tourist in the Ozarks. “Tell you what’s a fact,” replied a native. “A deaf and dumb feller took a horn of it tuther day, hopped six feet in the air, popped his heels together three times and before he lit, jumped a fence as if it was a straw, and went tearing off through the scenery, a-hol- lerin’ ‘Glory hallelooyer!’ like he'd got religion.”"—Kansas City Star. LIke REAL LireE—The high school seniors were rehearsing their class play and the bride and bridegroom had come on the stage. After their sentimental little scene they proceeded to sit down ut the breakfast table while the amateur comedian did his turn. And straight- way the bridegroom grew interested in the make-believe food and didn’t even look at his bride. Then the director grew sarcastic. “Here, you bridegroom!” he shouted, “what’s the matter? You're not paying any attention to your bride! Are you tired of her already?” The bridegroom colored and became confused. “Oh, I forgot this was a play,” he stammered. — Jndianapolis News. A WarninG—Politicians are kindly warned that when the roll is called up yonder it won’t be a payroll.—Balti more Evening Sun. BroTHER WILLIAMS Says: Folks what wants ter git in what dey calls de “swim” don’t want ter pay de money fer de swimmin’ lessons. I has seen folks rise so high in dis worl’, dey looked mighty small after dey got ter whar dey wuz goin’.— Atlanta Constitution. “SETTING Up” — Hemmandhaw — What makes you yawn so much? Shimmerpate—My setting up exer- cises make me weary. “What are you doing in the way of calisthenics?” “Nothing.” “Then what do you mean by setting up exercises?” “Waiting for Mary’s beau to go home.” —Youngstown Telegram. Marriep LirE—“Do you share your -husband’s sorrows?” Yes, he blames me for everything.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Yar—tThe island of Yap has an area of eight square miles. In case of war the Navy would send a steam shovel to take it—Minneapolis Journal. The tramp shambled after the smartly dressed man carrying a pros- perous looking bag. “Give us a couple of coppers, guv- nor!” he pleaded. “Just somethin’ to get some bread. Think wot it is ter be friendless, despised, ’ated by all—” “Shut up, you fool!” said the man with the bag. “I’m an income tax col- lector."—Answers (London). SUFFICIENT—Friend Wif you men know about women end Hubby —The pr: Rapids News. Same HerE—Husband—The Orientals have a curious custom of taking off their shoes before entering the house. —The men in this country do the same when they come home at 2 a.m.—Detroit News, HarMLEss—He—I'd like to know what you mean by getting engaged to Tom and me at the same time. She—Why, there’s no harm in Neither of you can afford to ma: me, you know.—Soston Transcript. Drastic Action—‘Was there any difficulty in dispersing the mob that embled at the jail?” inquired » whatever!” replied the land- lord of the Pruntytown tavern. “The mayor just set Constable Spraddler to shooting at a stray dog.”—Aansas City Star. Not THERE—A Toledo man is adver tising to find his wife, who he wears rolled stockings and has a bird and rose tattooed just below her right knee. Ike Van Quentin, one of our t authoritative men-about-town, she is not in Ka City.—Kansas City Star, “Hi! 'Can’t help that! You haven't loaded your gun!” If I don’t shoot now I shall miss him!” —Kasper (Stockholm).