Judge — November 12, 1921 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“What do you think of ’em, sir?” “Well, I dunno nuthink abaht ’em, but from wot I can see, well, thank ’eaven only one uv ’em can get in.”—London Opinion. Describing Him “How is your new hired man, Les- ter?” “He’s the kind of a feller,” replied Farmer Flumlegate, “that when he sets down is entirely unmoved by criticism.”—Boston Transcript. DISQUALIFIED —“‘I’m_ sorry, Mr. Timpany,” said the leader of the brass band to the bass drummer, “but we shall have to dispense with your services.” “Why?” “You ask me why? A man who has grown so fat that he can no longer hit the middle of the drum asks me why ?”—Philadelphia Inquirer. LEARNING FasT—Three negroes got mixed up in a quarrel and were locked up. Next morning they ap- peared before the judge. The first was given three months, and becom- ing abusive upon hearing his sen- tence, the judge increased it to months. The second was given s months, because he, too, was abusive. The turn of the third man came. “Now,” said the judge, “what have you got to say?” “I sure ain’t got nuffin’ to say, judge,” he said. “Three months plenty nouf for dis nigger.”—Los Angeles Times. SouRcE OF OPINIONS—‘What are your opinions on this subject?” “I’m not sure,” replied Senator Sorghum. “A lot of mail has come in from my constituents that I haven’t ‘yet had time to open.”— Washington Star. 25 English as It Sounds Here is a singular incident show ing how easy it is to mistranslate an overheard remark. Said Mrs. A, one of the overhear- ers: “They must have been to the zoo, because I heard her mention ‘a trained deer.’” Said Mrs. B: “No, no. They were talking about going away and she said to him, ‘Find out about the train, dear.’” Said Mrs. C: “I think you are both wrong. It seemed to me they were discussing music, for she said, ‘A trained ear’ very distinctly.” A few minutes later the lady her- self appeared and they told her of their disagreement. “Well,” she laughed, “that’s cer tainly funny. You are poor guessers, all of you. The fact is, I’d been out to the country overnight and I was asking my husband if it rained here last evening.”—Boston Transcript. THE STAGGER TODDLE— Algy— Parker, I’m ruined socially! Last night at the ball I drank too much and staggered into everybody. Valet—Scarcely that, sir. Every one’s talking of you as inventing a new dance.—Passing Show (Lon- don). KEEPING Down H. C. L.—Scot— Whit dae ye chairge for a hair cut th’ noo? Barber—Eight pence, sir. “And hoo muckle for a shave?” “Four pence, sir.” “Then gie ma heid a shave.” —Edinburgh Scotsman. ra Hurst Sea Dog—That’s six you’ve ad. Second ditto—Tisn’t—it’s five! I had to go astern in that bunker—then I had one shot hard aport—another on the starboard tack, an’ finally ‘bout ship, so ’tis five—London Opinion. comicbooks.com