Judge — October 29, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CLEVER FINANCE—A _ dry-goods merchant in a small town in the South was standing one day at the door of his shop when a little girl came up to him. “I am Mabel Smith,” she said, “and mother says will you give her change for half a dollar. She will send the half-dollar on Monday.” — Harper’s Magazine. CHANGE—Saxony has porcelain money and it is easy to get a large denomination broken at almost any corner drug store—Los Angeles Times. DEPRECIATION—An Austrian crown is worth nearly one cent, which makes it more valuable than some other European crowns.—Saginaw News- Courier. Look BEFORE You LeEAP—“And would you love me as much if father lost all his money?” “Has he?” “Why, no.” “Of course I would, darling.”—The Bulletin (Sydney). Op IpEA—“What do you think of this new feminine fad of wearing stockings with a roll in them?” “New? Why, women carried their rolls in their stockings before you and I were born.”—Boston Tran- BucoLic COMMENT—Reading that adding twenty-five members to the House of Representatives, as pro- posed, will cost the country $500,000 a year, Uncle Silas is certain to re- mark “’Taint wu’th it!”—Boston Globe. As Far aS C—Collars promise to follow candy downward in price, but there is a good deal of the alphabet left.—Springfield Republican. SATIRICAL—A taxi-driver drove off with $70,000 in gems and was ar- rested, probably on a charge of ex- ceeding the legal fare—New York World. News VALUES—‘“Millions are at stake in this case.” “Millions? We’ll put two of our best men on it.” “It isn’t a divorce case—just a gov- ernment contract.” “Oh, well. We'll send our assistant utility man, if it’s only public busi- ness.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Hanps Up!—‘“Men can make more money at anything than women can,” wagers a Kansas bachelor. We'll take the bet for thirty-seven simoleons and designate manicuring as the test. —Houston Post. Wny SIGH For CIPHERS?—Belle— Beatrice has refused to marry Bar- clay. Beulah—And why, pray? “Says she’ll never marry a man who’s wealth contains less than six ciphers.” “Well, good sakes alive! Barclay’s wealth is all ciphers!”—Yonkers Statesman. “Hullo, my dears, are you natives?” “No. We're Atkinsons.” “TI mean, were you born here?” “No. We were born at home.” “And where is your home?” “At mother’s.” (Old gent gives it up.)—London Mail. 23 ie Mrs. Smith (to the Vicar)—My rheumatics is bad, indeed, sir, but I must be thankful I still ’ave a back to ’ave it in!—London Opinion. NATURAL HysTERIA—“Yes,” sighed Jaggs to his friend. “I had the pret- tiest little garden that you ever did “And how is it looking now?” asked the friend. “Ruined!” groaned Jaggs. “My neighbor’s chickens scratched it up.” “Did you do anything?” asked his friend. “T did,” was Jaggs’ sinister reply. “I got a big cat that soon made mincemeat of his chickens.” “Then what did he do?” “He bought a bulldog and the brute killed my cat.” “But you weren’t beaten?” “No. I borrowed a wolf from an animal trainer I knew, and the wolf put an end to his bulldog.” “Well, what happened then?” “A> little later I heard he was about to buy a tiger to kill my wolf and as I could not afford to purchase an elephant to kill the tiger I gave up all hope of ever getting my gar- den to look nice again.—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. CAN’T GET OVER IT—‘“‘How do you like your summer boarders?” “IT get along pretty well with all but one,” said Mr. Cobbles. “What’s wrong with him?” “He had enough money last year to spend two weeks at a fashionable resort and he don’t seem able to get his chin down.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. comicbooks.com