Judge — October 22, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

of Digest the World’s Humor MAYBE THERE ISNn’T—‘Pa,” said little Thomas Twobble. “What is a philosopher?” “The only kind of philosopher I’m acquainted with,” said Mr. Twobble, “is the man who doesn’t seem to think there is anything to worry about as long as his wife conducts a prosperous boarding house.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. A WOoNDER!—‘That fellow Jones is a hard-headed cuss,” remarked Brown. “That so?” asked Smith. “Yes,” replied Brown. “Why, he could read a patent medicine alma- nac and not have a solitary symptom of some disease.”—Cincinnati En- quirer. Daughter—He’s frightfully at- tractive, I think. Mother—I can’t see it. Daughter—Good Heavens, do you mean to say you can’t see that big yellow car? — The Passing Show (London). A LIGHTER Loss—The Gossip—I hear your store was robbed last night. Lose much? The Optimist—Some. But it would have been worse if the yeggs had got in the night before. You see, yesterday I just finished mark- ing down everything 20 per cent.— Boston Globe. THE VALUE OF A DIsGUISE—*Who is that fellow talking to Senator Snortsworthy ?” “He’s a professional lobbyis “He’s rather shabbily dressed.” “A lobbyist doesn’t care to adver- tise the fact that he’s drawing $10,- 000 or $15,000 a year for doing noth- ing in particular.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. HE TAKES YouR TIME—“The chief objection we have to the man who ‘knows it all,’ remarked the Ob- server of Events and Things, “is that he insists that everyone he knows shall know it all, too.”—Yonkers Statesman. PuRE CARELESSNESS—It was visit- ing day at the jail and the uplifters were on deck, “My good man,” said one kindly lady, “I hope that since you have come here you have had time for meditation and have decided to cor- rect your faults.” “I have that, mum,” replied the prisoner in heartfelt tones. “Believe me, the next job I pull, this baby wears gloves.”—American Legion Weekly. MODERN VERSION—“No man knoweth what the future hath in store for him,” quoted the good deacon. “That’s right,” agreed the unre- generate backslider. “A jazz band in this world is worth two golden harps in the next.”—Town Topics. 23 Too FAMILIAR—“So the films to the stage?” “T do.” “But don’t you miss the charm of the speaking voice?” you prefer “I do not. The human voice is what makes me feel like a tired busi- ness person. I work at a telephone switchboard.”—Washington Star. AN ADVANTAGE—Yeast—Why is an office on the corner worth so much more than one in the middle of the block? Crimsonbeak—Well, on the corner you have the advantage of seeing your creditors coming in more direc- tions.—Yonkers Statesman. ONE SuGGESTION—The girls ask what they shall do to prevent blush- ing. One good way would be to wear more clothes.—Flint Journal. Mother (socially inclined) — My dear, I have picked out a hus- band for you. Daughter—Very well, but I tell you emphatically that when it comes to buying the wedding dress, I’ll select the material my- self—Weekly Telegraph (Lon- don). comicbooks.com