Judge — October 22, 1921 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“And while the language from her leaks, the coin to her I toss.” Home and Abroad Y two rear tires are worn so M thin they’re simply a dis- grace; and how am I to get the tin those casings to replace? I’m sick and sad and weary now; my ef- forts won’t suffice; I’ve soaked my watch, I’ve soaked my cow, and can- not raise the price. Yet people come to me and say, “Shell out what you can spare; the starving millions of Cathay must have a bill of fare. They’re begging fodder on their knees, want has such grievous spurs; they have to eat the bark of trees, and grass and cockle- burs. The trembling aunts and ancient sires beseech your timely aid—” How can I get those rubber tires? The prospects wilt and fade. I fear to drive my bus about, among the village mud, lest either casing should blow out, with dull and ghastly thud. I save my money, dime by dime, to round out my de- sires, and say, “I yet shall see the time when I can buy new tires.” And then there comes a bustling dame, who says, “Ten million cats in- fest this country, halt and lame, with By Warr Mason Illustration by RALPH BARTON no meat on their slats. They have no homes, they have no friends, each has a broken heart; and they will reach untimely ends unless we take their part. Oh, there are cats of tortoise- shell, and cats of black and white, and Maltese cats that sing and yell upon your roof at night; and they are slugged with bricks and boots, and shot and kicked and burned, for men are such dodgasted brutes, where tomcats are concerned. Alas, in midnight gloom they roam, dis- traught and out of luck; we want to build for them a home—won’t you chip in a buck?” And while the language from her leaks, the coin to her I tcss; I know that she will talk three weeks, un- less I come across. I might explain about my tires, and tell of my despair, of how I’ve worn out thirteen lyres that I might buy a pair. But she is thinking of the cats that in the alleys hide, and I am thinking of the bats that in her dome abide. A car will run upon its rims if tires cannot be had, but people stare with startled glims, and say the custom’s bad. It makes a fellow's stand-off fade to go thus through the town, and in the busy marts of trade the merchants turn him down. Of course V'll do it if I must—I’d do worse things, indeed—but first I’ll strive to raise the dust to buy the tires I need. A nickel now, a dime, again, by painful toil acquired, and surely in the course of time I'll have the sum required. But now two gushing spinsters come; their mission grieves and hurts; they ask me for a goodly sum to buy the heathen shirts. “Along the Nile,” one spin relates, ‘and by the Congo Pool, there are a lot of dippy skates whose kids don’t go to school. In ignorance they live and die, in squalid huts they stick; they’ve never sampled lemon pie, or ice cream in a brick. By helping them to higher things you’ll for your sins atone; they’re needing instant aid by jings, so please cough up a bone.” I thought that I might save the price, but I had crossed my wires; the heathen must have cherry ice, though I lack rubber tires! comicbooks.com