Judge — October 1, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WITH THE COLLEGE WITS Irrepressible, Joyous, Irresponsible Hypocrite! He (making the time-worn ex- cuse)—I’m afraid we'll have to stop here; the engine’s getting pretty warm. Fair Companion—You men are such hypocrites; you always say “the engine.”—Colgate Banter. For Every Day Law—I've noticed that that Medic has a suit of clothes for every day in the week. Arts—Why, same suit on. “Well, that’s the one.”—Colorado Dodo. he the always has Our Idea of Complete Artlessness Stude—Do I understand you rightly, sir, to mean that this report is not acceptable? Prof.—Correct. “But, sir, you accepted one exactly like it.”—Cornell Widow. Rupert—Did she let you kiss her good-night? Humbert—Sure; that’s the rea- son I was late for class this morn- ing.—Notre Dame Juggler. if Nathaniel—“And how is it that you never suffer from chilly draughts? Eustace—Oh, I'm always so wrapped up in my work.—Vir- ginia Reel. Correct Again Landlady—Sir, I think you had better board elsewhere. Impudent Stude—Oh, yes. I had, occasionally. — Kansas Ag. Brown Bull. Immigrants Diner (sniffing)—What eggs are these? Waiter—Australian eggs, sir. “Why aren’t they naturalized? They’ve been here long enough.” Stamford Chaperal. kind of At Last Burglar—One sound from you and I will squeeze you to death!” Antique Maid—Remember, that’s a promise.—Washington Sun Dodger. 2s Some Epitaphs OF Archibald Trelawninger I sing. He stood in Cork and yelled: “God save the King!” Hair-trigger Harry here doth lie. The hand is quicker than the eye. Here lies McNutt O’Boobus Skwirlie. He put his straw hat on too early. Here lies Jake Smith—at rest we're hopin’. He didn’t see the drawbridge open. Bill Boyle lies underneath these stones. He liked to roll with loaded bones. Here lies John Timothy O’Ryle. He thought that he could swim a mile. Alas! I weep for Henry Boot. He trusted in a parachute. Here lies Jim Brown, beneath the heather. He put some TNT together. Here lies Tom Holt, beneath the sod. He didn’t buy a lightning rod. To Paradise our Willie went. He monkeyed with the elephant. A wonderful actor was Johnny O’Ryle. He even brought tears to a crocodile. —Yale Record. Bobby’s Chance Bobby—Mother, if you had mar- ried a King, would I have been a prince? Mother—Yes, Bobby, I suppose so; but why? “Well, I just told William Jones that I once had a chance to be a Prince.”—Virginia Reel. “He had a terrible accident. “How come?” “He was describing a boat race and he broke both his elbows.”— Yale Record. comicbooks.com