Judge — October 1, 1921 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of WHEE ZES AND THERE'S THE RuB—A sales- manlike looking inspector stopped over night at a small town Kansas hotel and was surprised to find a dirty roller towel in the washroom. Indignantly he said to the landlord, “Don’t you know that it has been against the law for years to put up a roller towel in this state?” “Sure, I know it,” replied the proprietor, “but no ex post facto law goes in Kansas, and that there towel was put up before the law was passed.”— Topeka Capital. HAND MApE—‘How did you hap- pen to become a burglar?” asked the welfare worker. “By easy stages,” replied No. 9876. “I first bought a soft drink concession at a county fair, then I drove a taxi- cab awhile. After that I promoted wrestlirg bouts and almost before I knew it I was breaking into people’s houses.”-—Birmingham Age-Herald. SHOCKING—“There will have to be some new rules made here or else I shall give notice,” said the girl in the telephone office to the chief clerk. “Why, what’s the trouble?” “Well, some of the things said over the wires are not fit for me to hear.” “Oh! that’s all right,” was the flip- pant rejoinder. “You can’t expect to work around electricity and not get shocked.” — London Weekly Tele- graph. AUTOMATIC ADJUSTMENT—“Do you have housing problems in Crimson Gulch?” “No,” replied Cactus Joe. “When the place gets overcrowded the boys become irritable and hostile to a de- gree that just naturally compels the surplus population to go somewhere else.’—Washington Star. the World’s UNIFORMLY Correct — ‘‘Wouldn’t you like to be a man of such authority that people would heed your slightest word?” “No,” replied Mr. Chuggins. “The power may be pleasant but a traffic cop has a hard job, just the same.”’- Washington Star. PLANTING TIME—Bacon—When a young man plants a kiss on a young lady’s cheek, what does it raise? Egbert—Why, he raises the young lady’s hopes, of course.—Yonkers Statesman. “It’s dangerous to dress well nowadays.” “How's that?” “It might lead the police to in- quire how we manage to do it!”— Lustige Blaetter (Berlin). THEY'LL GIVE You THE FacTs— “T don’t like Dillworthy.” “Why not?” “He thinks himself a little better than anybody else.” “Never let a man like that worry you. If you want proof to the con- trary, just circulate a questionnaire among his neighbors.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. 19 ALL OVER BUT THE SHOUTING!— Curate (at local football game)— How do you think we shall get on? Captain—Well, sir, our goalkeeper ain’t much use, our center forward ‘as a gammy knee and the left ’alf- back may not turn up, but—my brother Jim is refereeing for us.— London Opinion. To THEM THAT HATH!—Plug- winch—Congratulate me, dear boy! I’m engaged to the wealthy Mrs. Grabster. Pigsnuff—So glad, old man! But —er—are you sure she is really so rich? “Sure? I should say so! Why, she was arrested for shoplifting and acquitted as a kleptomaniac.”—Pear- son's (London). Try, TRY AGAIN—A Detroit wom- an wanting a divorce testified she had been abandoned by her husband seventeen times. Some men just will play hookey.—Detroit News. UNNEIGHBORLY — “Funny how some people try to get along with no household equipment at all,” re- marked Juggins. “Why, those new neighbors of mine haven’t a lawn mower, a hose, a stepladder, a saw, a . fishing rod, an ice cream freezer or any new books.” “How in the world do you know they haven’t?” asked Muggins. “Why, the day after they moved in I stepped over in a neighborly way and tried to borrow those things.” — New York Sun. SPEAKING THE RULES—“What are you doin’ of, James?” “Sharpenin’ a bit o’ pencil.” “You'll ’ave the union after you, me lad. That’s a carpenter’s job.” —London Punch. comicbooks.com