Judge — September 17, 1921 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

of Digest the World’s Humor H HAPPENED—‘None to speak of,” commented a resident of Straddle Ridge, Ark. “Everything: went along well enough, though, till a feller drawed a bottle of bone dry licker on me, out on the dark porch. Just as T had my head throwed back another feller came around the cor- ner, ran into me and knocked the bottle frem my hand. The licker spilled all over one of the dogs, and the poor varmint gave a yell and jumped into the house through the open winder went to running around in circle The women folks set up a screech that the dog: was mad, and several of 'em fainted, and such that. Jig was right ashy over the hair being burnt eff’m his best dog. He couldn’t make out whether it was the feller that brung the licker or me that dropped it, or the feller that ran against me and made me drop it, that was to blame for the trouble, and so he licked all three of us. No, someway I didn’t have no. great of fun.” Kansas City Star. Not Mt and amount CaveaT EMeptToR — “This ‘moon- shine’ is as clear as spring water said the glib bootlegger. “Look at the light in it! And it’s only $7 a quart.” “Let me taste the stuff,” said the cautious consumer. “TI have a rather vivid recollection of having once paid $7 for a quart of spring water.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. SELF-ACTING-——“The Chicago police are talking about dynamiting a still.” “What with, the contents?”— Detroit Free Press. Ye Gops!——With hard liquor at $3 and more a pint. Bacchus is crowd- ing Creesus for the money.——Chivago News. SOMETHING Lert OuT—‘What is that book you are reading “A compilation of indoor sports, but it isn’t complete.” “There isn’t a word in it about home brewing.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. WELL CoMPENSATED—“How do you like prohibition, Bill “An even break. In the old days I felt better at night and now I feel better in the morning.”—New York Sun. A STAYER- —"Pussyfoot Johnson” should be a good insurance risk. He expects to live until England goes dry.—Farm, Stock and Home. THE BEST CELLAR—*Is your wife a good cook?” asked Smith. “TIL say she replied Jones. “Gosh! You ought to taste her home brew !"——Cincinnati. Enquirer. The Eternal Bromidism L, THEY AIN'T T was A poy! —Passing Show (London). THE WA LIKE WAVES WAS WHEN 21 VAGRANT—J. Pierpont Morgan said at a dinner in New York: “Tam very glad that the govern- ment has seen fi. to accept my Lon- don town house fer its American embassy. “Our ambassadors in the past were put to great inconvenience looking for suitable houses—for an embassy, you know, must be a very special kind of a house, and also a very expensive one sseph TH. Choate used to tell the story to the effect that, when he first went to London as American ambas- sador, he spent deys and weeks look- ing for a house. One afternoon on this house hunt he was overcome with fatigue in the west end, and sank down on a bench in Kensington Gar- den and fell asleep. “He slept till closing time. Then a London bobby shook him by the shoulder roughly. “‘Here, my man,’ said the bobby, ‘what are you doing here? Why don’t you go home?’ “‘Home?’ said Mr. Choate. ficer, | have no home. T am American ambassador! -Los geles Times. ‘Of- the An- TipPinG A MILLIONAIRE—How he earned a shilling tip was amusingly told by r Thomas Lipton at a con- cert given by the firm's choral soci- ety a few weeks bac’ “When T was crossing over from America lastyear,” he said, “T was preparing to sit down on a deck chair when a parson came up. “Took here, steward,’ he said, ‘I want a deck chair put in that corner spot.’ “T got a deck chair and placed it there, when he said, ‘Here’s a bob for you.’ “Being Scotch.” Thomas, “I took it.”—London Bits. concluded Sir Tit- comicbooks.com