Judge — September 17, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ballade of Old Things By HAROLD SETON LOVE old Houses, those that date From stirring times of long ago, And ever since have laughed at Fate, Through Summer heat and Winter snow! I love old Gardens in which grow Fine elm trees or majestic oaks, With branches swaying to and fro! 1 love old Things,—except old Jokes! I love old Furniture, and rate A chair or table “new,” although About its “age” some others prate: Grand Rapids finds in me a foe! I love old Silverw : the glow Of knives and forks my praise in- vokes, And kettles I delight to show! 1 love old Things,—except old Jokes! I love old Crockery: a plate Brings forth such cries as “Ah!” and “Oh A cup-and-saucer is a bait To catch me, as the dealers know! 1 love old Volumes, row on row: The thoughts of celebrated folks, Each with a message to bestow! : love old Things,—except old Jokes! Envoi: I love old Friends, and tell them so, But smiles from me they cannot coax With quips by Fz I love old Things, Jokes! ther Time laid low: except old HHPSHH$ | By WILLIAM SANFORD I { ERE is a story that is a novelty. Every story gives its solution for being, but this one doesn’t. The reader can see nothing in this story to settle the puzzle. I know a girl who is illy, lightheaded and shal- x She doesn’t know 9 Shakespeare ” or “Ham- let” wrote Shakespeare. She doesn’t know whether Rubens was a painter or a clerk at Brown’s store. She doesn’t know whether the earth is round or cata- cornered, or whether Col- umbus discovered Amer- ica or Robert W. Cham- bers. Yet she married a bright, clever, young man who is somewhere doing something or other. She low. whether wrote “Hamle has no children, but her ~ ad eyes are not suffused with tears or regret. She is Drawn by Joms Hetv, Je +Geo Drawn by Cuester 1. Gaxve. She—AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS CLUB? He-—-THAT’S A MASHIE, “AND THIS ONE?” “OH, THAT'S A N. “AHEM = SOUNDS LIKE AN INTER GAME, WON'T YOU GIVE ME A LESSON? TING “invited everywhere” in the best of Society” and is shown consideration and deference not given to other giris of keen brain and intelligence. She knows next to nothing, yet is the envy of girls who are brilliant and highly informed, Why is it? An Old Time Nut to Crack What is the difference between an orphan, the Prince of Wales, a monkey and a bald-headed man? An orphan has nary parent, the Prince ct Wales is an heir apparent, the monkey has a hairy parent and the bald-headed man has nary hair ap- parent. EDAY — PERHAPS Trixow Warden to Chairman of the Lite Members of the Soli davity of Contempor ary Convicts of Amer Wr WARDEN, Mirenete 1 The Lady of the Old School By STRICKLAND GILLILAN HE was clad in dove-gray—this little, frail old bit of Dresden china. Her fragile, blue-veined hands were encased in silken gloves of a tint to match her frock, and there was white ruching at her throat. She wore gold-bowed glasses of the quaint style of long ago, and her features were of the high-bred pa- trician mold one so loves to gaze upon while reflecting upon Then and Now. She had come to the city from a quiet village, this sweet and unsophis- ticated lady of another generation, and James the negro chauffeur, was commissioned to take her for a drive about the park. James also was in- structed by the mistress of the house —who had an unbreakable social en- gagement for the morning—not to race the limousine about, but to drive slowly so as not to arouse the dear old soul’s nervous fears and spoil her outing. “Yas’m. Ah’ll sho drive slow,” James had earnestly assured his mis- tress. This gentle lady in gray re- minded him of the word-pictures his own grandfather had given of his sweet befo’-the-wah mistress down in Virginny. Searcely had they half encircled the park than the gray-bonnet, with its under-rim of silvery hair, was stuck from the window, and a sharp voice cried: “Say! you big hunk of anthracite, have you got bunions on your right foot? If you don’t know how to jazz up this boat lemme at the wheel. I'll sure fricas- see this macadam! I may be an old hay ain’t no funeral!” And James stepped on it. The Great Gap “T didn’t know that Reg- gie stuttered so badly. “He doesn’t stutter at all, but he promised his wife he would cut out swearing, and it leaves his conversation full of holes.” Danger Ahead “He tells me his fiancée is all sorts of woman in one.” “Doesn't the fool know there’s a law against plural marriages?”