Judge — September 10, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

D1aGNosis—When you feel all shaken up, it is probably flivver com- plaint—Toledo News-Bee. HE LIKED THE RIDE—A tall, dis- tinguished looking man walked up to a public chauffeur in Washington the other-day. “I want a ride,” he stated, seating himself. “Any particular place?” asked the chauffeur, stepping on the gas. “You might make it the sneedway along the Potomac River,” replied the patron. “I just want to ride.” Around and around the oval s - way the motor car went. Finally, on the thirty-fourth tour, it became too much for the driver. “Say,” he said to the man, “isn’t there any place else you might like to visit? It’s none of my business, but I’m getting tired of this.” “Oh, you might try Anacostia,” languidly replied the man. When the motor got in front of St. Elizabeth’s hospital, the government insane asylum, the man signaled the chauffeu “This is where I live,” he said, calmly dismounting and proceeding up to the hospital. Now the chauffeur is wondering how to get paid the $64 bill run up on him by the nonchalant inmate.— Cleveland Plain Dealer. Not So SurE Now—“Do you know how to run a motor car?” “Why, I thought I did until I had a short conversation with a cop yes- terday.”—New Haven Register. No Pride of Authorship Here Editor- 1SN’T SO BAD, BUT YOUR NAME ISN’T KNOWN TO THE PUBLIC. YOUR ARTICLE, AT FIRST GLANCE, Author—OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YOu CAN SIGN JT NAPOLEON OR KIPLING. —tLe Rire (Paris). Not (So To Speak) An Intellectual R STOP TO THINK, MR: WED 0 UNAPPRECIATED— Her Husband—I don’t like the way ycu kiss that leading man in nearly every scene. TALENT Movie Queen— That’s — strange. Why, the director says that is the best thing I do.—Film Fun. THE CALL OF THE WIFE—The time was Saturday, 5:30 p. m., the place, a local movie house; the girl, a large, robust middle-aged woman. Rushing up to one of the ushers in the foyer she excitedly cried: “Say boy, I left my husband in here while I went shopping. Our car leaves in five minutes and he ain’t out here. Don’t want to buy a ticket, how can I get him?” “We aren’t allowed to page any one,” replied the usher, “but if you describe him perhaps I can find him.” The woman apparently did not hear a word he said. “Do you care if I whistle for him?” she asked. 2 & PIPSQUEAK; 'E '—The Tatler WAS SAWING A BRANCH OFF A TREE London). Thinking she was only joking he said, “Go to it.” Immediately a shrill and weird whistle startled the quiet audience. A meek little man sitting well toward the front, jumped as though shot, bolted up the aisle, appeared in the foyer and meekly ran in the wake of the robust woman who was rapidly making tracks for the interurban sta- tion —IJndianapolis News. ScIENTIFIC QUERY—When we read about monkey stars getting salaries of $1,000 a week in the movies we wonder whether evolution is what it has been cracked up to be.—Los Angeles Times. ANIMAL SUPERIORITY —“Did you ever see a movie star without some kind of silly affectation?” “Only one.” “Man, woman or child?” “Neither. A dog.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. REELED OFF— “What became of that screen actor who used to board here?” “He did a movie act in the night without paying his bill!”—Film Fun. comicbooks.com