Judge, 1921-09-10 · page 19 of 36
Judge — September 10, 1921 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"A Ferry Tale"** is a humorous poem mocking May-December romance and hasty marriage. The joke: a 19-year-old man courts and marries a 30-year-old woman, yet they end up "unhappy ever after"—satirizing both the absurdity of their age gap and contemporary assumptions that quick marriages lead to disaster. **"Papa's Predilection"** is a brief joke about a father relieved the stork didn't bring twins—poking fun at large families and financial anxiety. **"Absurd and True"** mocks feminine contradictions: women supposedly can't throw stones but always "hurl defiance." **"New England Genealogies"** satirizes genealogy obsession and social climbing—the speaker's father traces ancestry to William the Conqueror (a common pretense among Americans seeking noble lineage), while the mother's family tree "spreads all over creation" (implying questionable ancestry or illegitimacy). The Robert Wilder illustration depicts an elaborate Victorian contraption for warming milk—typical Judge satire of overly complex modern inventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Ferry Tale By EpwarpD W. BARNARD ONCE on a time a gentle youth while sailing from the Isle of Staten For e’en a busier one, forsooth That of the ric:. and proud Man- hattan, A damsel rescued from the rain With not the slightest hesitation, When followed—all denial’s vain!— A very violent flirtation. Thenceforth, to no one’s great sur- prise, They came ard daily ; He said nice things about her eyes, She giggled gladly, even gaily. She thought him grand, he thought her dear; She called him Tom, he called her Gertie! (It may be well to mention here He was nineteen and she was thirty.) Qn long engagements Gertie frowned, Said: “What a waste of time is beau time!” This seemed to Tommy sane and went together sound, So they were wed in almost no time. Now little children, sad to say, The sequel calls for tears, not laughter! They took a flat up Harlem way And lived unhappily ever after. Papa’s Predilection “The stork has brought a peach!” Said the nurse with delighted air. “I’m mighty glad,” the father said, “That he didn’t bring a pair!” little Absurd and True The nature feminine is prone To paradox. It’s quite a science. A woman cannot throw a stone, And yet can aiways hur! defiance. Drawn by SUMNER WITHERSPOON. A REMARKABLE BIT OF ANCIENT TAPESTRY UNEARTHED AMID THE CRUMBLING RUINS THAT Tv THAT THE PHRASE: HAS ALWAYS BEEN $ MILK. New England Genealogies By BetH CHENEY NICHOLS HEY give mea pain, many a pain. In my legs. My doctor calls them “growing pains.” He s that they are inherited from my father’s side of the family. They had long legs— Or, as Mother advises, Limbs. Anyway limbs are more in keeping with my subject— Family trees. I wonder in what kind of soil the roots of our tree started. Father says he can trace his back to William, the Conqueror. Mother says that the roots of her tree are spreading all over creation. I wonder why she smiles. I don’t think much of this tree busi- ness. I love trees. But family trees— Bah! I have a Bartlett-pear tree on my 19 Mrs. LATESLEEPE HAVE PERFECTED AN INGENIOUS DEVICE FOR WARMING YOUNG lawn. It was grafted on to a quince bush many, many years ago. The pears have the most delicious flavor I ever tasted. I believe in grafting. I am going to experiment. Our tree, so Father says, English. Vhen I recover from these pains I am going West And marry A Chicagoan. It will be some grafting. I'll tell the world! is pure The Origin First Ostrich—How’s feed comin’ these days? Second Ostrich—Rotten; I’m down to brass tacks. Attrition “‘A rolling stone gathers no moss,’” quoted Uncle Jed impres- sively. “Oh, well, it sees a bit of the world, and maybe gets polished up a trifle,” argued Algy. comicbooks.com