Judge — August 13, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Drawn by BarkspaAte Roce! Her Husband—SEaTs IN THE STOCK EXCHANGE COST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! Prima Donna—DEaR ME! I’D LIKE TO SING IN THAT HOUSE. A Not Too Fabulous Fable By Max CHOPNICK [* the great city of New York, where millions of humans find their enjoyment, sorrow, dwellings, and themselves, there lived a foolish young man named Hiram Springer. Hiram was born of poor but modest parents. He had acquired, in lieu of an education, a rudimentary school- ing, much slang and a strong yearn- ing for dance halls and the movies. Nothing was expected of this ignoble being. Even his best girl had little faith in his abilities. Yet to this un- important, wholly superfluous crea- ture, there happened a most ex- traordinary thing, an epoch-making circumstance. One night while riding in a subway train, a nervous, shaky old profes- sor of astronompschycopathy sprang upon the unsuspicious Hiram with a question which the learned one, after thirty years of concentrated thought and study, himself had failed to an- swer. But to Hiram the question seemed a very foolish one and with- out a second’s thought he gave the professor his answer in a flippant, airy manner. The old sage, sur- prised, delighted, dumbfounded, that such a simple-looking creature could solve at once so great a mystery, de- manded his name and address, and having made a note of the same, lapsed into profound thought, stir- ring occasionally to study minutely the features of Hiram, who was nod- ding in his seat. The next morning, as Hiram stepped from his home into the street, a mob of men and women, reporters all, surrounded him. Be- tore he could say a word, he heard a dozen cameras click. When ques- tioned he remained speechless. But those great divinities who make up our newspaper reportorial forces saw in his speechlessness the modesty of « great genius. They had enough at. Drawn by HAMILTON WILLIAMS. material from which their imagina- tions could compose a wonderful fea- ture story. That evening the newspapers car- ried a special article about the new world wonder—Hiram Springer. They told of his simple, unassuming life, although they knew nothing about him. They described his pleas- ant personality, his attractive ap- pearance, his peculiar accent, his frank, honest, blue eyes, his clothes, his sunny smile, eétc., ete. When Hiram’s best girl read this she thought it was some hideous joke, but when at last she knew the world was taking her Hiram seriously, she concluded he was a villain and had been leading a double life. His friends became sycophants, women smiled invitingly and men who had searcely noticed him before lifted their hats in passing. Hiram didn’t know just what he had done, nor what it all meant, but he sensed a good thing and played a foxy game. They had called him a Genius! So he smiled a deep, mysterious smile when questioned, and kept his mouth shut. To-day Hiram Springer is a big man. He is rich. He is con- sidered an authority on Einstein. And he holds his high place in the world simply by still keeping his mouth shut. Moral—Keep your eye peeled for a dusty old prof. A Rum Go Post—Heard the story about Bob’s suit-case? Parker—Yes, it leaked out. Fifi—Was THAT FISHERMAN THEY SENT TO PRISON THE OTHER DAY A REAL ONE, OR A SPORTSMAN? Uncle—OH, WELL, MY DEAR, IF HE’D BEEN AN AMATEUR HE'D HAVE GONE TO AN INSANE ASYLUM! 15 comicbooks.com