Judge — August 6, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

fe in sun- ipted and man ) you ; the kims Age- new she rier- ve aid ith YUM YouTH, THE RADICAL — Admiral Sims said at a dinner party in New York: “Youth is. always an extremist. Take, for instance, the battleship question. We middle-aged sailors are just now asking ourselves @xactly how much the submarine has im- paired the value of the battleship, but youth has got the question settled for good and all. “‘What is the value of the battle- ship to-day?’ I said to a naval cadet at a luncheon. “‘No damned value at all,’ he an- swered. “Then he thought a moment and added : “‘Of course, she’s got a very nice deck for dancing.’”—Detroit Free Press. MicuT BE His CHANCE—“The col- lege graduate,” said President Hib- ben of Princeton at a tea—‘“the col- lege graduate sets out from college to conquer the world. Yes, he sets out with a very big opinion of him- self, but he soon gets taken down. “A college graduate, the day after commencement, swaggered into a bank and asked to see the president. He was told to wait in an anteroom, where a small boy was chewing gum. “‘Boy,’ he said, after a bit, ‘do you know if there’s an opening in the bank for a college graduate?’ “The boy, chewing grimly, an- swered : “Dere will be if dey don’t slip de extra five-spot wot I’m askin’ fur in me next pay envelope, see?’ ”—Wash- ington Star. Room FOR MorE—Bishop Bratton, at a dinner in Jackson, was genially patronized by a millionaire. “I never go to church,” the mil- lionaire said. “I guess you’ve noticed that, bishop?” “Yes, I have noticed Bishop Bratton, gravely. “I guess you wonder why I never go to church, don’t you?” the mil- lionaire pursued. “Well, I’ll tell you why, bishop. There are so many hypocrites there.” “Oh, don’t let that keep you away,” said Bishop Bratton, smiling. “There is always room for one more.”—De- troit Free Press. it,” said _Din’t LosE THEM—Representa- tive Kahn was talking about the ex- travagance of the shipping board which the recent investigation has re- Out of Register ° Bridegroom (very nervous, at hotel) —ExH—auH! I'D LIKE A ROOM WITH A WIFE, FOR MYSELF AND BATH!—The Weekly Telegraph (London). vealed. “The shipping board,” he said, “claims in a long-winded apology that all these hundreds of millions are not really lost, but this apology, boiled down, only equals Sam John- son’s. ‘Sam, you’ve been fighting again,’ the mother shrieked. ‘You’ve lost four front teeth.’ “‘No, I ain’t, mother,’ said Sam, taking a ghastly little package from his pocket. ‘Here they are.’” A SINCERE ADMIRER—“Do you un- derstand the scientist to whose lec- tures you apparently listen with so much attention?” “No,” replied Senator Sorghum. “I am interested in him as a man who makes ’em applaud things they cannot hope to understand. I often feel called upon to attempt the same thing in my own business.”—Wash- ington Star. CONSERVATIVE NEIGHBORHOOD -— “As a patriotic American, Senator Snortsworthy, what is your opinion of bolshevism?” “T’m for it.” “What?” “As a theme for oratory. It’s one of the few up-to-date topics a speaker can handle with invective, sarcasm and humor down in my part of the country and not run the risk of los- ing votes.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. UNCERTAINTIES—"What is your position on this grave public ques- tion?” “My position,” replied Senator Sorghum, “is that of a man whom I overheard in the raitroad station ask- ing about trains. He couldn’t be sure whether he was away ahead of his time or away behind it.”—Wash- ington Star. Maid of All Lurk Prospective Employer—Mrs. DURAND, IN WHOSE SERVICE YOU WERE, HAS SPOKEN TO ME ABOUT YOU BUT SHE SAYS YOU HAVE A BAD HABIT OF LISTENING AT KEYHOLES. Maid—Wnuy, MApvAM, I.... “NEVER MIND, I WILL ENGAGE YOU JUST THE SAME, BUT ON ONE CONDITION— THAT YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU HEARD AT Mrs. DuRAND’s.”—Le Rire (Paris). 25 comicbooks.com