Judge — August 6, 1921 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Both Members of the Same Club Golfer—How LONG HAVE YOU CADDIED THIS COURSE? Caddie—WELL, IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY, YOU HONORED THE CLUB ABOUT THE SAME TIME AS MYSELF!—London Mail. A USELESS ACCESSORY—‘‘We have some very nice pickled herring,” sug- gested the delicatessen dealer. “Not for me,” replied the man who was doing the family shopping. “There’s no pleasure in getting thirsty any more.”—New York Sun. WuyY—Elsie—Oh, Bobby, look at this picture, a vineyard with a lot of people treading the grapes. I won- der why they do that? . Bobby—I asked pa and he said it was to put a kick in the wine— Boston Transcript. THE BIBULOUS VoYAGER—“Is this a wet boat?” “I’m sorry, sir, but all our ships are dry.” “T’ll try another line, then. I’m not going to sea just to look at the ocean.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. IMPATIENT—Doctor—Any patients call while I was out? Wife—Only a couple of fishermen who wanted prescriptions for bait.— New York Sun. Hore SPRINGS ETERNAL—“Bibbles is an optimist?” “He certainly is.” “In what respect?” “He’s always trying to do some- thing to ‘moonshine’ to make it taste like something else.”—Birmingham Age-Herald, ANOTHF®, Way—“Did you hear about that home brew blowing up?” “Yes, replied Uncle Bill Bottle- top. “{f the appropriations for pro- hibition enforcement don’t hold up maybe we can curb the liquor evil by bringin’ it under the regulations pro- vided for handling high explosives.” —Washington Star. OveRDID ItT—“Why did the revenue officers arrest the villain, after see- ing him in that moonshiner’s part?” “Oh, he played the role so convinc- ingly that the officers looked upon it as a confession.”—Film Fun. Professional Encroachment Beggar—SPaRE ME A COIN, SIR? Gentleman—I HAVE NONE! Beggar—Parvon! I pIpN’t KNow I WAS ADDRESSING A COLLEAGUE!—Klods Hans (Copenhagen). 24 THE PROPER AUDIENCE—“Life in the suburbs means fresh air, sun- shine, health, happiness. ” “Don’t tell it to me,” interrupted Mr. Crosslots. ‘Come around and give the new cook and furnace man a lecture.”—Washington Star. Up-To-DATE—“What wages do you want?” “Ten dollars a week, mum, is the least I’ll work for.” “That’s reasonable enough.” “And $2 a week extra if I skims the home brew.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Ways oF Cooks—‘Does the new cook seem to like the place?” “How can I tell?” “See how much of her trunk she has _unpacked.”— Louisville Courier- Journal. A Fair WarNING—“Are you a competent bookkeeper?” “T’ve had twenty years’ experience, sir.” “IT think you'll do, but we have a questionnaire for you to fill out, just as a matter of form.” “All right, sir, but I’ll have to tell you in advance that I don’t know where we get most of our sponges.” —Birmingham Age-Herald, No TIME For HESITANCY—The yel- low man has invaded Paris as well as London, owing to the absence of domestic help. A newspaper depicts such a servant arriving at a French home, where the lady of the house exclaims in consternation, “But he does not know a word of French! What shall we do?” “Do not hesitate a moment,” says the husband. “Learn Chinese at once!””—Houston Post. DIFFERENT—Employer—Did you notice that ad in this evening’s paper, “Learn to earn $25 per week at stenography ?” Stenographer—Sure, but I wasn’t interested because I am getting that already. “Yes, but the ad said ‘earn.’”— Farm Life. Sounps LIKE FicTion—“I love those English novels.” “You admire the hero, eh?” “No, I love to read about the old family servants who have been with the family for years and years.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. icbooks.com