Judge — August 6, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Nature, Art and Milk By EDWARD S. VAN ZILE Is a perfectly good milch cow more val- uable than an American landscape painted by a perfectly good American artist? The farmers in the neighborhood of Lynne, Conn., have an- swered this query in the affirmative and have re- fused to permit the Lynne colony of land- scape artists to set up their easels in fields and pastures where the oil- soaked, color-poisoned rags left on the grass by the peripatetic painters have brought death at times to cows indiscrim- inately voracious. The Lynne farmers seem to be too narrow-minded and reactionary. Art, if taken in large instead of small doses, might do much for their cows. It is conceivable that a cow eating a suf- ficient number of paint-soiled rags might change its shape and coloring, and become a Futurist Cow or a Cu- bist Cow or an Ovist, or Egg-shaped Cow. Our farmers are always talk- ing about improving the breed of cattle. The Lynne, Conn., artists are giving them a chance to make the cows of to-morrow not only use- ful but ornamental, and they are throwing it away. The farmers should, at least, force their cows to eat a few completed pictures instead Drawn by P. D. JOUNSON. “JOHN, HAVE YOU SEEN MY NEW PATENT LEMON SQUEEZER? AN_HOUR AGO.” John—GosH, WAS THAT WHAT THAT WAS? OF A TIME FINDING A PLACE FOR THAT THING, BUT I FINALLY GOT IT IN! Something Will Spoil Allies—To the victor belong the spoils. Germany—Let’s see you get ’em! Call Darien Peak “Where do they get all the girls who operate switchboards, pa?” “They’re Central Americans, Bob- bie. Now run and play.” The Ultimate Test North—Do you think your boss will accept that excuse? West—My wife did! of a handful of oily rags before sac- _— rificing Art for Milk’s sake. Refuting a Scandal Mrs. Chatterton — There’s D’Auber’s shocking picture, “Love in Arcady.” They say it’s a portrait of you. You don’t mean to tell me you posed for it? Mrs. Proudfit—Certainly not! He must have painted it from memory. Tied Down “How would your wife and you like to join us on a week-end motor- ing trip?” “Sorry, old man, but we’ve got a batch of home brew under way, and we can’t leave it.” Declined Without Thanks The Pastor—Do you choose women for offices in your church? The Trustee—Nope. We elected some of ’em as elders but they wouldn’t stand for it. Claimed to be youngers. Drawn by R. B. FULLER, Little Girl—WILL YE PLEASE HAVE A FIRE, MISTER? BILLY WANTS TO SEE TH’ ENGINES COME OUT. 17 emBeegraens Ir WAS HERE ON THE TABLE I TOOK THE CLOCK APART AND HAD A DEUCE The Office Boy Confides By GEORGE TAGGART H‘S me boss a pretty daughter? Well now, lemme tell yer, yes; Costs him bunches ter support her, Thousands, or I miss me guess; But she’s worth it, youse kin gamble, Sweetes’ thing I ever seen; Gee, how I would like to ramble Down th’ line wit’ such a queen! Course, I know I’m only dreamin’, All th’ swells fer her has played— Colonels, majors, captains, streamin’ Like a reg’lar dress parade; Doctors, lawyers, brokers, pressin’ After her heart ev’ry day, While she keeps ’em all a-guessin’ Which will get th’ right 0’ way. Never seen no fairy like her— My old Jane is now a dose; Wotcher know ’bout me, a piker, Edgin’ in, too, kinda close? Sends me out to-day ter buy her— Wotcher think now is the dope? Cake o’ soap or I’m a liar; Wisht I wuz ’at cake o’ soap! Aspiration Mater—My dear child, you don’t look more than ten. Kiddie—Well, I want to! to look full-fare. I want Why Women Walk Slowly The slower they walk The more they can talk. So Men Think The most natural thing for a woman to do is to look unnatural. comicbooks.com