Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i vas r- s I pt? est, uel hat too ied, had tas Drawn by A. B. Waukee, Is IT POSSIBLE THAT THE EMINENT STOMACH SPECIALIST WHO ALWAYS PUTS HIS PATIENTS A Nautical Nightmare By Epwarp S. Rankin I’M the skipper of a schooner, I have schooned the sev S I have skipped from Singapore to Don egal; She’s as graceful as a greyhound as she bounds before the breeze, She’s my sweetheart, she’s my schooner, Saucy Sal. From her deck I’ve watched the flying-fish fly flashing into view, And the portly porpoise sport about her prow, Seen the snowy seagulls soaring, circling swiftly through the blue, Heard the musing sea mews mewing on her bow. When the sailors chant their chanty as they set the spreading sail Ihave sometimes seen the spanker spank the sprit, Seen the capstan bar the cabin, the belay- ing pin the rail, And the marlin spike the hawser to the bitt. I'm the skipper of a schooner and I love my shapely ship, And I hope that when my time shall come to go— Canvas spread and pennant flying, with my schooner I may skip Straight to Davy Jones’s Locker down below. In a Taxi By Geo. B. Jenxrns, JR. S the whirring taximeter speeds desperately, trying to out-race the taxi, I sit and watch the dark. dim shadow that is you. Many times before, I have tidden in taxis with fair and frolicsome ON A MILK DIET—IS A VERY HEAVY STOCK- HOLDER IN THE ConsoLipaTED Mik Co.? damsels, and so I know what my behavior should be in this environment. Even though I know I am not supposed to stay permanently welded to the op- posite side of the machine, I do not en- croach upon your side of the seat. My glances toward you are careful and hope- ful, vet I remain carefully distant. For. in extracting your lip-rouge and By Joun Hep Jx.-. nonce Mircnene The Preside powder-puff from your hand-bag, I caught a glimpse of the bag’s contents. And a girl who carries a small, pearl-handled, but perfectly serviceable revolver in her hand- bag will always be treated with respect. Therefore, I cling closely to my side of the taxi, wondering. The Cynic Dissects the Fair By Roytston Marxuam NEVER judge a woman’s disposition by her smile. To discover a woman’s weakness: keep quiet and listen. Woman has all the diseases that man is heir to—except lockjaw. Deafness in women is seldom due to practice in the art of listening. A woman who is unable to keep a secret can always find another who will help her. A woman is satisfied with her newest gown when she learns that her worst enemy doesn’t like it. No, Thanks! None of us care for a hand-out from the hand of Fate. Puzzled She—Have you ever thought of marriage? He—Thought? I’ve wondered about it! of the Hapless Head of American Helpless Homes, to the Chairwoman of the Sisterhood of Workless Women—Let’s CALL A CONFERENCE TO SEE IF WE CAN’T INDUCE 45 YOU TO SPEND AT LEAST A WEEK-END WITH US. comicbooks.com