Judge — July 9, 1921 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Casient LOAN Drawn by Curster I. Ganve Tue New Coox Decipes to Stay Awuite. “you'll be taking notes of how much I eat, and figuring up how much water I drink, and how much light I use, and putting it all down in a book to hold up against me. Very well! Deduct me! Go right ahead and deduct me, James Palmer. If that is all you care for me I am going right home to my mother. She never deducted me! My father never deducted me!”” “But dearie,” pleaded James, couldn’t. You were over eighteen.” “There!”’ exclaimed Alice. ‘Throwing up to me that I am older than you are!” “Tam not!” “You are, too! You think of it all the time. Just because I’m one month older than you are! You think I’m an old woman and you deduct me and call me an expense and—and— Oh, I’m so unhappy!” Alice rushed into the bedroom and threw herself on the bed in a torrent of tears. For awhile James looked at the income-tax sheet moodily. Then he went to the bedroom door. “Look here, Alice,” “this is all nonsense!”’ Then the quarrel was fairly under way, and it was a good one while it lasted, It ended two hours later when Alice, clasped in his arms, cooed: “And my lovey bird is glad, glad, glad he has a little wife he can deduct from the mean old income tax, isn’t he?” There is always something to hang the first quarrel on. And it looks as if the income-tax blank would be available for quite some time yet to come. “he he said sternly, Too Trite “‘The list of the unemployed becomes larger,’” Mrs. Pendleton read aloud from the newspaper, “‘plumbers are ide—*” “Stop!” thundered Mr. Pendleton. “I won't listen. Ihave no use for a paper that can’t tell anything new about plumbers.” The American Idea Cashier—That new teller has just stolen $100,000. We must arrest him at once. Bank President—Are you crazy? We'll make up the deficit and raise his salary enough to cover it. Don’t you know if it wasn’t for that fellow’s slugging we wouldn’t be within hailing distance of the top in the Bankers’ Baseball League this year? He may help us win the pennant! Cubebed by Leo Koner A Plea for Father By Louise ve Satis I HAVE gazed with keen delight On many pictures bright Of the actress of today with her dear Ma. Taking tea or lunch, chez-elle With dear Mother, but pray tell Why do we never get a glimpse of Pa? In the summer magazine Many actresses I’ve seen, With their lovely spacious villas, 4 la Rome I can always get a view Of Ma and daughter, it is true, But Father never seems to be at home. So I beg in humble tone Not to leave him all alone, But let us have just once—a glimpse of Pa. We would like to see the three, Father also sipping tea With his charming actress daughter, and her Ma! Stuck Bookkeeper—What’s the matter with the file-clerk? Shipping Clerk—He’s stuck. The effi- ciency expert has just installed a new sys- tem and it’s got him going. Bookkeeper—What kind of a system is it? Shipping Clerk—Most complete on the market. You are supposed to file each paper in eight different compartments. “THE ENEMY OVERLOOKED THE BOTTLEFIELD WITH A KEEN EYE.”