Judge — July 9, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

vhat 0?” , get 5” Not in the Vamp Class “CLARA, WON’T YOU GIVE YOUR LITTLE COUSIN A KISS?” “But, MAMMA—HE MIGHT MISUNDERSTAND ME!”’—Kasper (Stockholm). RS Thoughtful Lawyer—The Judge—No two of your witnesses tell the same story. How do you explain that? The Lawyer—Your Honor, I arranged it that way. I didn’t want to make the trial too monotonous for you.—Yonkers States- man. His Bequest—A lawyer was known to bea bit grasping. He had just made out a will for an old lady client, who was passing away. The next day the old lady, very near the end, said to him: “About my will—I’ve added something to it. I’ve— given—you-—” “Just one minute, my good friend,” said the lawyer, wishing to have witnesses for the remark. So he hurriedly called the family in, and when all were assembled he said to his old client: “Now, say what you were going to say.” “T’ve—given—you—” and she stopped, her breathing becoming more and more labored. “Yes, yes,” urged the lawyer. Then she finished : “—a great—deal—of trouble!””—Ladies’ Home Journal. Generosity—An old negress in Dallas has won $20,000,000 worth of property in a lawsuit. Her lawyers, finding her in Poverty, generously agreed to take her case—for half the winnings.— Nashville Tennesseean. Blind Justice—Magistrate (severely)— Horse-whipping is the only suitable pun- ishment for you and your kind. The idea of a man of your size beating a poor, weak woman like that! Prisoner—But, your Honor, she keeps irritating and irritating me all the time. Magistrate—How does she irritate you? Prisoner—Why, she keeps saying, “Hit me! Beat me! Just hit me once and I’ll have you hauled up before that bald- headed old reprobate of a magistrate and see what he’ll do with you.” Magistrate (choking)—Discharged.—Bos- ton Post. Harsher Name—“How old are you, Uncle Eph?” “Ninety-eight years old, sah.” “You're a fine example of longevity.” “Sah?” “T say you are a fine example of longev- ity.” “Yas, sah. Thank you, sah. But when my ol’ ’oman is hard at work an’ I’m settin’ in de sunshine dat ain’t whut she calls me.” —Birmingham Age- Herald. His Fears Realized—A Northern man in an optician’s shop in Nashville overheard an amusing conversation between the proprietor of the establishment and an aged darky who was just leaving the place with a pair of new spectacles. As the old fellow neared the door his eye lighted upon an extraordinary looking instrument conspicuously placed upon a counter. The venerable negro paused for several moments to gaze in open-mouthed wonder at this thing, the like of which he had never seen before. After a long strug- gle with his curiosity he was vanquished. Turning to the optician, he asked: “What is it, boss?” “That is an ophthalmotonometer,” re- plied the optician, in his gravest manner. “Sho,” muttered the old man to him- self, as he backed out of the door, his eyes still fastened upon thecurious looking thing on the counter. “Sho, dat’s what I was afeared it was.”— Harper’s Magazine. The Bald Truth Boss—BEEN TO GET YOUR HAIR CUT? WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF I KEPT GOING OUT TO GET my HAIR CUT? Trrepressible Youth—THue BARBER WOULD LARF ’1s OWN ’EAD HoFF!—Passing Show (London). 2s comicbooks.com