Judge — July 2, 1921 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Disappointed — Church — Who's your friend you were just talking to? Gotham—Oh, that’s Prof. Stargazer, the astronomer. “He looks disappointed.” “He is.” “Looking for a new star, I suppose?” “No; for a new house.”—Yonkers Statesman. Absent-Minded—Professor X, a very absent-minded man, was being shaved by the barber. After the operation he con- tinued to occupy the chair, and the barber, thinking he had dozed off, said, “Asleep, sir?” The professor started. “Bless me, no!” he exclaimed. “I am not asleep. The fact is I am frightfully near-sighted. When I took my glasses off I was no longer able to see myself in the mirror opposite and naturally I supposed I had already gone home.”’—Boston Transcript. Foolish, eh?—“Pa, whats a naturalist?” “A naturalist, my boy, is a queer ccdger. He’d much rather photograph a strange fish than a bathing beauty in a one-piece suit.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. No Kick in Relativity—One nice thing about the theory of relativity Dr. Einstein explained to the New York reporters. Asked what he would advise the layman to do about the theory, he replied, “Nothing at all; tell him not to worry; it won’t hurt him.” This is not only reassuring, but it is one of the most transparent statements so far made concerning the theory. To our mind, in times like these, any thing that we should do nothing about, that we should not worry over, and that won’t hurt us, is entitled to the highest place in human estimation. There are so many of the other kind of things that the theory of relativity shines out like a beacon light in an unusually dark night. If Dr. Einstein could now find something else we do not have to do anything about, then there would be two of them, and relativity might not be so lonesome.—Springfield Union. Kidding Himself “WITH THIS PICTURE THE HIGHEST POINT OF ARTISTIC SIMPLICITY HAS BEEN REACHED. s’ STUDY, I HAVE AT LAST SUCCEEDED IN PAINTING JUST AS WELL AS AN EIGHT-YEAR TWELVE YEARS ow cup.” —Kasper (Stockholm). AFTER His Digitalisman coop! YouR -sTOMACH IS MUCH 30 YES, DOCTOR, BUT THE TROUBLE NOW IS THAT MY HEART STOPPED BEATING AFTER RE- CEIVING YOUR BILL.” —Le Rire (Paris). MATRON His Only Chance—‘“Oh, come on!” cried Mrs. Peck impatiently as her husband stopped in front of the penny-in-the-slot scales. “No, Maria,” he retorted, stepping on to the machine. “For once I am going to have my own weigh.””—Boston Transcript. Safety First—A prominent New York débutante recently ordered “four seats on the aisle” at the theater. When her party arrived at the performance they were sur- prised to find themselves arranged ina column instead of a row. Nothing daunted. the débutante turned to a bored, middle- aged man next to her. Surely he would not mind changing with her friend in front. “TI beg your pardon,” she said politely. No reply. He must be deaf. “I beg your pardon,” she repeated, louder. Still no reply. “TI beg your pardon,” she said, bumping his elbow. He took out a pencil and wrote on his program: “That’s my wife on the other side of me. Safety first.”— New York Evening Post. Made a Difference—Wife—Have you ever thought how many hats you could buy in a year if you saved the money you squander in smoking? Hub—Often. I estimate that I could buy about twenty for myself, but only two for you.—Boston Transcript. Great Success—‘“ How can some peo- ple say marriage is a failure?” “Heh?” “Why, we got over 300 presents, Harold and I.”—Louisville Courier-Journal comicbooks.com te