Judge — June 4, 1921 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Multiplication Time-Table “How MANY RETURN TRAINS ARE THERE?” “Oxe. Tr went an nour aco. You arxiven rour wours Late.” —Il Tracaso (Rome) Obviously Feminine—“Oh, Bob. you've let in a lot of flies!” “T'll get after them, dear.” “You'll never kill them all.” “Well, TI kill these three, anyway they’re females.” “ How do you know?” “They made a dash for the mirror the first thing.” —Boston Transcript Do you Keeping Pa Silent— Cholli believe that silence gives consent? Mollie—I certainly do “Then when I ask your father for your hand in marriage manage to have your mother in the room.”—Yonkers States man. Not Quite Alike —\ rather successful Hoosier schoolma’am has for ambitions never to look her prof that people can guess it when they sce her. So whenever she goes on a vacation she poses as a stenographer, a clerk or a member of some other profession than her own. When she left at Easter time she said that this time she “was going to be a widow for a week. She succeeded in carrying off her pose successfully, too, until the day before she started home. Then on that day she overheard the colored elevator boy talk- ing toa man she had met. “Sosheama widow?” he said. “Yes,” the man nodded his head. “T ain’t surprised,” the boy retorted with conviction. “I said that the day she comme. I say that woman’s cither a widow or a school teacher. Both of ‘em always have such a pert, ‘I have bossed the world’ way.”"—Indianapolis News. Over the Phone—“ What is it, sir?” “T want to speak to Cutie.” “You'll have to be more explicit. We have four stenographers.”"—Louisville Courier-Journal, They Don't—" How about your ste nographers!” “In what particular!” “Do they watch the clock?” No, there’s a full length mirror at "—Bir- the opposite end of the office. mingham Age- Herald. Poetic—When Alice Smith had at tained the age of sixteen she undertook to alter the orthography of her given name to what, it seemed to her, was a more poetic form. Accordingly, she began to sign herself Alyce. Thus designated she entered a new school and, of course, the first ence to her name “Alyce Smith,” she said.“ A-l-y-c-e.” Thanks,” said the teacher. “And how are you spelling Smith now?" Phil adel phia Ledger Her Reason—.llice—How do you know you love George? Virginia—Because Gladys wants him, Town Topics iestion put to her was with refer NELE In Simple Language—The parson was addressing his religious instruction class in a country public school. “This morning, children, | propose to offer you an epitome of the life of St. Paul. Now children, can anyone tell me what an epitome is?”’ There was an awed silence. ‘The word had paralyzed the youngsters. So the good man went on; “Epitome, children is in its significance synonymous with Western Christian Advocate synopsis!” As the Politicians View [t— Mrs Profiteer was very proud of her daughter's connection with a smart private school “My dear,” she said to her friend she’s learning civics, if you please.” “What's civies?” asked her friend Civics? My dear, don’t. you know? Why, it’s the science of interfering in public affairs.” London Post Toot-Toot!—A sufferer who lives close to a railroad yard in the suburbs wrote the following to the railroad com- pany complaining about the racket made by a switch engine “Gentlemen: Why is it that your switch engine has to ding and dong and fizz and spit and bang and hiss and pant and grate and grind and puff and bump and chug and hoot and toot and whistle and wheeze and jar and jerk and how! and snarl and puff and growl and thump and boom and clash and jolt and screech and snort and snarl and slam and throb and roar and rattle and yell and smoke and smell and shrick like hell all night long? ”—Boston Globe Mr. Newrich Arrives Late at the Concert Waar ane THEY PLAYING Now, Miss “Beernoven’s Tu syMPHONY “Wuarl Have we ausseo THe OTHER E1GHT!"—-Kasper (Stockholm). v7 nn eee a ts