Judge — April 23, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

rand Art Director Ed exRiton MAxweit J.\. Watpros, .fevociat The Truth About Woman HOCKED observers tell the world that women in [linois do not wear enough clothes to wad a shotgun, — This associatic unclothed women and shotguns is dark and_ des \sceticism is wabbling on its perch. Morality shows vociferous gibbering which precedes an outbreak. But pallid t res us that the less morality a man has the less he ta abe it If men would take a broad view of this question of woman's clothes they would save themselves much blushing embarrassment. As loni as susceptibility is dazzled, bewildered and made captive by lavish display of womanly beauty, no man can judge fairly. His opinions are warped by his narrow emotions. Ail his remedies are impractical. We need strong treatment, ‘The method advocated by a moral enthusiast in New Jersey to hatch swarms of mosquitoes bf government subsidy, warranted to bite through paint and powder and drive the women to cover, is only a summer makeshift, ‘This war upon loveliness can never be popular until it is made frightful The natural grace of the human form can never be smothered by anything but total depravity Surely we might learn from our forbears, who ducked and stocked ineffectually and anathematized with gusto, Yet all around us witness the prodigal profusion of charming sweetness that survived We might learn from the Turks, who still swathe their women like mummies. Yet both earth and paradise are full of houris who lose their veils. Some other method must be applied. We might massa cre the women—and take their jobs We might blind all the males at birth. Or we might abandon ourselves to the spell of women, and rejoice in the sight of them The Mask of Pollyanna HE Big Smile sits cross-legged with us like great Buddha in Asia. Deportment is taught as a substitute for assiduity. Super imposed upon the truth that all civilization is uplift, is the proposition that all uplift isa Big Smile. A platitude is vaunted as a prodigious p We are assured that the swallower of a Big Smile sub- merges both mind and matter. We read that the contagion has in- fected even the staid Berliners, and that the Government has ordered the city to don a moonfaced simper. Among us the deity of the Big Smile bears the shears of dest Tt cuts off prayer-papers from the scroll of wisdom, as bondhold- ers cut coupons. "Tt could, if it chose, clip a yard of perfume from the wings of the morning, and apply it like a metaphysical poultice to cure the melancholy of a sagging hope. It could slice the rainbow and stand the pieces on end like fortune-starred barberpoles to guide the forlorn toward a shampoo of fortune. It could reach up to the milky way and make a surfeit, if we ever have a famine. But it does none of these wonders. It is modest and practical. Reading an inch of this philosophy soothes the toothache. Its bland words, woven into the cerebrum, fertilize the brain; grass grows on the green and sagebrush on the common We are taught to overreach trouble through smiling craftiness, and cackle like hens layin A rooster, mismarried, in debt and off the payroll, is assured that the gesture of a smile will lift him above the sordid world. It is salve for an army with sore feet, cures homesickness and blighted love. But its prophets are themselves serious, for it is no joke to cover all the boils on the body politic we 4 ith the meagre skin of one maxim—and they get so mad when at them! A Cure for Writer’s Cramp WENT small devil squatting in the human brain impets every idler in these tribulous days to spread his or her immature thoughts upon paper? Out of what intel vacuum is born the writing itch? What microbe wriggling its determined way through the blood drives otherwise normal pe to wordy performance upon the typewriter? Vanity? Of course, but of what avail if the surings of the untrained scribbler whirl their way into editorial baskets or eat up authorical substance in the cost of postage folks smi outp wast stamps: Hundreds of thousands of quite s shrink at the arduous task of painting a portrait, composing . torio or doing a job of household plumbing “take pen in hand” with never a qualm or a blush and nonchalantly indite long screeds about nothing or short ones about the cosmos, only to bite their fingernails in bitterness when editors refuse to embalm their words in type. That writing is a trade to be learned at the expense of much nervous energy and a copious mental sweat isas alien t thought of dille- tante scribes asis modesty. ‘The more incapable the writer the greater in his wordy product. The professional scrivener is aware illosynerasies of his tools: he is wise to the limitation pression, the difficulty of worthwhile themes and the markets wherein his commodities may’ be sold stem the onrushing tide of ink-spotted paper the law should levya tax upon all manuscripts thrice refused by editors, or punish with a fine or imprisonment the persistent tyro after the fourth rejection of his unprintable wares. ‘The law is not always a deterrent of crime and the jails would soon be crowded with those who prize misguided ambition above personal freedom. ‘Then the professors letters could step in and drill their convict classes to the point where the acquired craftsmanship of the latter would be a guaranty against the further commission of futile and inept cacathes scribendi. Perk The Parrot Cries ‘‘Enough!’’ “PPXCHANGE me for a goat!” is the composite mental photo- graph of the town taxpayers as they ponder the tax exempt rural ¥ | or, with the intermittent rumble of the next war, the chirping of the optimists that the National debt is a trifling incum brance which will be paid off in a tew years, and an imminent increase in taxation, there is an untranquil oscillation of the town taxpayers’ poise as the plowman chortles and the back country claps its hands. There 1s consolation in the reflection that farmers are productive citizens, have many votes, and that the mitigating and beneficent bounty of Congress will flow in leisurely channels back to town by the trade routes. Rosy anticipation is already building castles in town from loans by Government home-building credit banks in cities, with tax-free bonds and tax-free home mortgages. This will alleviate the burden of taxation, for the principle is so clear that the infant class in finance can understand that the bigger the taxes the bigger the rebate. Certainly there will come forward unreasonable petitioners to elaborate the proposition that all invest ments and salaries be also exempted from income tax; but they will secure slight consideration, for the questors for revenue are sure to become inexorably deaf when they see that they are lost in the labyrinth of inconsistency ne men and women who we the comicbooks.com