Judge — April 2, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Longs for Peace—"Above all,” list, ‘*she must as possible. said the throat spec talk as little Doctor,” eagerly asked the har- assed husband, “is there any hope of the trouble becoming chronic?”—Bos- ton Transcript. Cure for Insomnia—Wan and with black rims round his eyes, the man sat in the surgery. “Doctor,” said he. “I’m the victim of insomnia. I can’t sleep if there’s the least noise, such as a cat in the back yard, for instance.” “This powder will be effective,” re- plied the physician, after compounding a prescription. “When do I take it, doctor?” “You don’t take it, my dear sir,” was the doctor’s bland reply. “You just No Chance for an Alibi give it to the cat in some milk.” —Sioux Falls Press. Absent-Minded—" My dear, we've simply got to change our family doctor. He’s so absent-minded. Why, this afternoon he was examining me with the stethoscope and while he was listening he suddenly called out, ‘Hello! Who is this speaking?’”—Boston Transcript. The Story of a Fee—A well-known London doctor was called to see a pa- tient in Edinburgh, at a fee of five hun- dred guineas, On arrival the relatives informed him the patient was dead, and presented him with half his fee. The rumor spread that he was in the city, and twenty or more patients consulted him at his hotel. On his departure the next day the bereaved relatives bade him farewell and expressed their sorrow at his lessened fee. “I did not do so bad}: he replied: “I saw twenty patients at five guine a head.” “Quite so,” said a relat s the train started: “One of them was the man who died yesterday!””—Medical Press. “ How pip YOUR WIFE DISCOVER YOUR SECRET, OLD MA “TL BABBLED IT IN MY SLEEP AND SHE CALLED IN THE HOUSEMAID AS A WiTNESs.”—Fliegende Blactter (Munich). 16 The Lesser Evil “UNDER THE NEW MILITARY REGULATIONS, YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUF MONOCLE.”” oD WOULD RATHER GIVE UP THE MILITAR recuLations.”"—Die — Muskete (Vienna). -"That was a power- w minister preached Appreciation ful sermon your n against gambling It sure was,” replied Cactus Joe; “and just to show our appreciation, we're goin to take a kitty out of every poker game and add it to his salary.” —Washington Star. Respecting the Cloth—A dignified Episcopalian minister had an en; ment to lecture at 8 p.m. in a New York auditorium. A dinner engagement held him in his hotel until 7.45 p.m. He rushed out to the taxi stand and said to the driver: “I’ve an engagement to speak in Mechanics’ Hall at 8 o'clock. Break the speed laws! Take any chances! I'll take the responsibility The whizzed away. It had gone a few blocks when it was halted by an Irish traffic policeman: “Shtop!”” he shouted. “Shtop! Back oop there. Whadda ye mane thryin’ tuh make a race-track out uv me boulevarrd? Hop out there an’ give me your name and number.” The minister stepped out. The policeman took one look at the min- isterial choker and closed front vest. Then taking off his hat he said softly: “I beg your pa-a-r-rdon, father. I shtopped ye so’s I cud tell the laddy here to be careful three blocks farther down, There’s a mean Protestant cop down there and ye might get pinched.”” —Journal of the American Medical Association. comicbooks.com