Judge — April 2, 1921 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wonderful Mary By Betty Eart IGHT-YEAR old Mary encount- ered the new ice-man at the door, “Do you want ice this morning?” “Wait and I'll go ask Mother.” She went to the foot of the stairs. “Mother, do you want ice this morn ing? “Of course; the card must have blown down.” She returned to the ice-man. “‘ Mother says the card must have blown down. She wants ice. “How much?” “Wait, and I'll go ask Mother.” She returned to the foot of the stairs. “Mother, ho} yw much ice do you want this mornin, * Fifty nil pounds.” She returned to the ice-man. says she always takes fifty pounds. wants fifty pound She stood in the doorway and watched the new ice-man go back and get fifty pounds. She watched him lift and lower it into the ice-box. He looked around for the ice-book. ‘Where is the ice-book?” “Wait, and I'll go ask Mothet She called at the foot of the stairs: “ Mother, where is the ice-book?"’ Pres- ently she returned. Mother says she has no ice-book. She will have to pay with mone! “Well, where is the mon “Wait and I'll go ask Mother. She returned to the stairs. Mother, where is the money to pay the ice-man?”” “Tt is under the table-cover at the east I always take fifty “Mother She end. She came back to the ice-man. “ Moth- er says the money is under the table-cover at theeastend. Wait, and I'll go get it.” She went to the table-cover. She looked under the cloth at the east end. She conld not find the money She returned to the stairs. “* Mother, the money isn’t under the table-cover at the east end.” “Well, look under the west end. I know it’s under the east.”” She went back to the table « under the cover at the west end could not find the money. She back to the stairs. “Mother, I can’t find it. It under the cover at the west end.” “Well, look under the south end, then.” She went back to the table and looked under the cover at the south end. She could not find it. She came back to the ice-man. “T've looked under the table-cover at But and looked. She went isn’t Ballad of the Ultimate Straw By Autax Murray Prict Mts Baswexvinee Ihave cringed, when I handed him pennies fi Beneath a conductor's sneer From a waiter's scorn of a tip too small I derive but little cheer. When in an ascending lift [fail To loudly announce my floor The operator's backward glance Is a thing which I deplore. ions by A. I've tried to cross Fifth Avenue When the officer thought it unwise, And I've slunk back to the curb At his look of pained surprise The witgéd words of a fired cook Have made my spirit I've asked my w And felt my visage pal yuail— I've left_a shop—no purch And shivered beneath the gaze Of the lordly clerk. I’m loath to recall ‘That frightful day of days I protested my plumber’s bill — The master- nber ca: eee And can not stand—in fine, The scorns and the sneers and the wingéd words Are as nothing unto me When I think of the barber's poisoned dart— “You shave yourself, I see!” the south and east and west ends, and I can’t find the money. I don’t know what to do!” “Well, for Pete's sake, north end!” ‘All right.” She went back to the table and looked under the north end. She could not find the money. She came back to the ice- man. “Mother thinks she put the money under the table-cover, but she must be I can’t find it any look under the got seven hundred pounds of ice melting out there in the sun!” “Wait, and I'll go ask Mother what to do.” She went back to the stairs. ‘‘ Mother, I can’t find the money, and the ice-man says he can’t stay all day, for he’s got seven hundred pounds of ice melting out there in the sun.” “That money is under that table- cover. I know I put it under the cover at the east end. You go look again.” She returned to the ice-man. “ Mother she knows she put that money under the table-cover at the east end. You wait, and I'll go look in.” She went back to the table. She found the money. She came back to the ice- man. “Here is the moncy. It was at the east end between the cover and the pad. Mother forgot to say she put it between the cover and the pad.” The ice-man made the chaage and handed her the rest of the money. She watched him leave and then looked at the money in her hand. She went to the stairs. ‘‘Mother, what shall I do with the money the ice-man left?” “Put it under the table-cover.” She went to the table and stood still. She went to one corner, then to another. Then she went back to the foot of the stairs. “At which corner of the table?” he east corner.” She went to the east corner of the table and lifted the cover. But again she hesi- tated. She returned to the stairs. “Mother, shall I put it under the pad, or between the pad and the cover?” The next morning her mother told the next-door neighbor that Mary was such a hely wonderfully wise chi “Why, y she transacted all the business with the new ice-man. I didn’t even have to come down-stairs!”” e pudding? Waiter—N Bixby—Why not? Waiter—House shortage, sir. comicbooks.com