Judge — March 26, 1921 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ne Ma preumatic If THE CITY REQUIRED EVERY MILKMAN TO MUFFLE EVERYTHING, tires bandaged teet MAYBE WE COULD ALL GET OUR MILK IN PEACE. The Milk Menace By Dox Mlustrated by F course, milk must have some food value. Otherwise it would not be in such great demand. At our house, for instance, we take thirty or forty bottles every morning, for our baby. ([ hear the milkman leaving rout that many bottles on our back steps every morning at 4:40 He picks them up and puts them down three or four times, so IT know. Milk bottles don’t set well on back steps unless you get them just so. You must put them all down, then put them back in your tinkly wire basket and rattle them well, Milk bottles simply cow o'clock. and repeat the process several times. MUST be well rattled.) Dear friends, is milk worth what it costs? Lask you. Ido not mean money cost. I love children, and I want to see them nourished and raised to manhood and womanhood, and far be it from me to complain about the money expense of milk A few dollars a day for milk for my baby is nothing to complain about. What I mean to ask is this: Is milk worth the annoyance it costs? If necessary, couldn’t children be raised on some other beverage? Let me explain the milk situation on our street. There are thirteen families in our block. Each family has a different milkman. At 3 a.m. the daily milk attack begins in our neigh- borhood. Mr. and Mrs. Stokes get their milk first. Their milkman has a horse who steps four feet high, every step he takes. He swings a wicked hoof, if ever a horse did. Oh, he can make the asphalt on our street resound for miles when he plants a well-thought-out smack on the old pavement. And while the Stokes family is getting its milk, that horse stands out in front and counts time with his tub-like hoofs. The Madisons get their milk next. Their milkman is the swearing kind. The Madison house stands far back from the When Madison’s milkman gets all the way around T hear him every morn- street behind he begins to yell at his horses. Herroup the Author ing. “You***#3S$°**3456X°°*PSEtt!" he yells. And he must have bought his milk basket at a band instrument store. It rings out into the night, at the slightest touch, with an incom- parable cadence. Hanley’s milkman is mallet-footed, wagon to Hanley’s back steps; he rocks the very earth. Bruners live up at the other end of the block, but dieir milkman has a and I hear the Bruners getting their milk at 4:10 every morning (and their milkman’s horse getting h—, at the same time). The King family, next to Bruners, are terrible milk drinkers; they must take a couple of hundred botues every morning. I could go into details about the milk affairs of every family on our block if I had time, but the short of it is that we have an ORGY of milk delivering in our neighborhood every morn ing from 3 A.M. to 6 A.M. every day. And I ask again, is milk worth it?) What can be done about it? Could the city pass an ordinance to require simultaneous delivery of milk in our block at, say, 4 A.M.? For one, I would be glad to chip in and help pay for the services of a milkman traffic cop for a half hour every morning, if it would help relieve milk matters. Better the collision and clash and destruction of a couple of milk wagons now and then, than the prolonged orchestration we now endure. There are many sweet children on our block, and I am as anxious as anybody to have them all fat and healthy, so I shall not say ** Down with milk,” but Lam. almost tempted to cry “ Down with milkmen!” Why does milk have to be delivered under cover of darkness, anyway? Why can’t we have matinee milk deliver All of this terrible hurlyburly of milk delivering wouldn’t bother me a bit if it began at 2:30 in the afternoon. Why does anybody want to be a milkman, anyway! Such hours! Perhaps, my excellent drawing at the top of this article and he runs from his deaf horse comicbooks.com