Judge — March 26, 1921 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest “I didn’t know how to turn down lady office-seekers.""—Louisville Cour- ier-Journal, The False Alarm—“ Hiram!” whis- pered Mrs. Hiram Bonchead loudly, as she stood over her husband and shook him forcibly by the shoulders. “Hiram!” she bawled in his capacious car. “I hear noises—somebody’s steal- in’ the chickens! Get up!” When the full meaning of his wife’s words reached his brain ten minutes later he arose slowly and said, “Heck!” hen he crawled into his ample trousers ind dragged himself sleepily to the door, picked up the railroad signal lan- tern they used for a night light in the hall, and went downstairs. He stood out in the moonlight and listened. “Suttinly is somebody in that thar coop,” he muttered to himself, yawning mightily as the noises among the chick- ens grew louder, w with the cac and squawks and flapping of wings and everything “The idea of making a feller git up out uv bed just tew see who's snoopin’ around,” grumbled Hiram. Deciding that his wife expected him to do something, Hiram Bonchead straightened up. “Who's there?” he bawled out, with his hand behind his car in a listening attitude. “Dere ain't nobody here 'ceptin’ us chickens,” called back a voice from the coop. Satisfied that all was well, Hiram Bonehead went back to bed again. Detroit Free Press. of the World’s Shopper (looking at socks)—Axes'r THEY RATHER LouD? Clerk—Y es, sin. THEY Ane SPECIALLY MADE FOR PEOPLE WHOSE FEET ARE IN THE HABIT OF GOING To sLEEP.—The Bystander (London). Too Unlucky—A visitor in Ken- tucky came across that rare specimen, an unmarried colored man. The negro was a quiet elderly person, not shiftless, but quite industrious, so the Northern man felt curious and de- termined to find out why he had re- mained single. “Uncle Jim, how does it happen that you are so opposed to matrimony?” The old fellow looked up with a grave face, but there was a_ twinkle in his eye, as he replied: “Me, suh! I ain’t erposed to matrimony “Well, why is it you have never married?” his inquisitor continued. “Haven't you seen any one you liked?” “Lawdy! yessah—but you sce it’s thisaw I couldn’t resk my judg ment.”—Los Angeles Times. 7 Humor Safety First L#s slumbering here One William Lake; He heard the bell, But had no brake. Detroit News. At fifty miles Drove Ollie Pidd; He thought he wouldn't Skid, but did. —Rome (N. Y.) Sentind. Here lies John Smith, Wrapped in a sheet; He went too fast ‘Thru all the sleet. Detroit Metorist. Lies slumbering here Alphonso Chu He had his arm Around a girl. —Akron Times. For Norman Night My eyes are wet; He tried to light A cigaret. —Youngstown Telegram. A tear, alack, For Jabez Prout: Right on the track His gas gave out. Evened Up—A fool is born every minute, but the auto accidents even things up.— Nashville Tennesseean On His Feet—Hemmandhaw—They tell me Umson is on his feet again. Shimmer pate—Ves, he has sold his automobile— Youngstown Telegram, comicbooks.com