Judge — March 26, 1921 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MORE COLLEGE WIT CONTRIBUTIONS Drawn by Curnivs H. Wouse, Crivernity of Mickig Prof—Axo wert, 1X MY WAND, T HAVE A PIECE OF soutD tory. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? Stude—Waicn Hann, str? Utopia of the First-Year-Outs By Rowext B. Freeaan, Amherst, (23 WANTED a job and it was eas} dh de a fav see that I had m able impression upon the personnel director to whom I was apply- ing. Although the head of the employment department of the greatest toothpick manu- facturing concern in the world, he had not succeeded in rattling me the least bit; I bore mys f If with the assurance of one who knows the world needs men. “B.A.” T answered, * What grade?’ “Ulla si ort at ostentation. ou read Latin, don’t y “Oh, yes; P've read a good deal, s ite authors for a rainy four full year ¢ Laude,” I informed him without *Good! because our company makes it a policy to pay salaries under $1,000 a year to se men who haven't read any Lat “That wouldn't do at all,” said I anxi “Lcouldn’t keep my car in spark plu that.” “Well, what other qualifications have you to “Were you considering me for a general manage some special department?” said I, not knowing q pected. “Probably manager of chemical research.” “Well, have a thorough understanding of the and Epictetus as well as the more modern schools of phi reassured him hastily “Ts that all? “Oh, no,” I returned confidently, “I have gone into the history of Asia Minor and the Far East quite extensively. I also have a firm grasp of the fundamentals of the development of religions.” “How about your languages?” “Oh, [have an excellent reading knowledge of both $ Italian,” I explained quickly. “That's bad; don't you know any Norwegian or Czecho-Slo- kish?” ‘0, I don't,” I retorted somewhat shortly, annoyed that he should expect a knowledge of anything so unusual. “Well, here’s the way I size your case up. You wouldn't do at all for work in a library, but you are pretty well qualified for the position Lhave to offer. You might find some trouble in adjusting yourself to the salary; I can offer you only $50,000 for the first year but of course a case [decided to accept you we might—" Oh, $50,000—" T began or for work in rinciples of Kant phy.” L panish and Draven by ND. Mysias, Unie “A Snot rrom THE Dark “Hold on! ‘There is another applicant who is as well qualified f the position as you are. He came to me for a berth in the chemical f the business, and when L asked him a certain question he replied y discouraging manner. He end in a ve acked one very essential qual ification. Now, upon your answer to this inquiry your success in 1 concern nds!’ Have you or have you not— Yes?” said I nervously ANABASIS!! “T have—three times! prepared for the worst The job is yours! Can you ta My eyes were unseeing; my ave—you I faltered and clutched the edge of the ° charge of the work Monday?” d swam (although there wasn't any water nearer than the Harlem river, knees were wobbling. Dimly, in a swoon of pleasure I hear his business-like voice murmuring “The salary can be increased at—There ase only—three hundred men under you but—Able assistants—Supreme control.” Blindly [reached for my hat and staggered to the was independent and successful:—a sel made mani! At last I After the Show By Jack ALEXANDER, St. Louis University, “2 OUN BARRYMORE, my jo, John When we were first acquent A six-hit ¢ ar seat Was good fe nt But no roll, John, For three and four per throw You surely clamp your | n Barrymore, my dough Girls at Any College House Party XPERT Giel—Has attended at least thirt can tell S you now th ould be done: knows just ho chap: erones and how to act in one of the upstairs studies Amateur Girl—Is attending her first house party and is endeavoring to get away with it; drinks copious amounts of coffce, but nevertheless has to go to bed tne second evening; speaks of frats” s keeps track of her man; vantages of sturies—usually takes a walk with the chaperones the first day, speaks to them the second, dodges them the third and can't even remember th on the fourth, Nice git|—Hand-picked by the adoring mater to be her boy's partner during the festiv invariably worked off on the fraternity dumb-bell. Young thing—Likewise her first house party, but she is not ashamed of it; always gig wants to do everythin, mn squrezing the s for names the in the dumb waiter has religiously trained for the occasien, as resu quires no sleep at all usually “snaked” by the ‘seniors; — tninks the party. is simply “adorable”; goes home a, much wiser litle Mistake—Invited by 1 freshman, as a re- sult of — information gained at a “bull Session,’ or by a “brother in liquor;” no house party is com- plete without one or more; always the least seen, but the mast no- ticed; causes such r marks as, “How could such a nice boy in- punch, to rid Drawn by Pace W. Heaster, U1 ersity of Pittsburgh, "23 He—Dip your FroLks oBject TO MY STAY- ING SO LATE LAST NIGHT? Mia leach nyt eece Sweetio—Ou, DEAR Xo! IN ract Dapoy R.G. SLOAN, JR, Cor. SMD HE'D JUST LIKE TO SEE YoU THERE nell, THAT LATE AGAIN! n comicbooks.com