Judge — March 5, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

r Janes S. Metca Grorce 1. Suricuer O real gentleman will slang his own ancestors This fact makes Jupce doubt the gentility of Dr. George G. Allen, although he is a philologist ind geologist residing in Brookline, which is quite near the city of Boston, Massachusetts. Dr. Allen says that Adam and Eve were red Indians and that the Garden of Eden, where they started in life, was located in the sovereign State of Ohio. This immediately marks Adam and Eve For centuries they have posed as belonging to one of the first families of Asia. Their descendants have strenuously main tained this claim for almost six thousand years. s rank impostors. g Dr. Allen’s statement there is no intention of [X epusi casting any reflection whatever upon cither the red In ians or the sovereign State of Ohi The red Indians are t blue-blooded Bostonian and quite as American as the me Ohio is really a very nice place, if we can take the word of persons who come from there. The cause of resentment is the attempt of a member of a shamelessly new generation to pluck up by the roots, as it were, one of our longest growing and most firmly established family trees. It is as though some impudent Dublin jacqueen should attempt to cast asparagus on the royal lineage of Brian Boru. Even in this country of free speech where every one may tell the truth, whether it is so or not such conduct as Dr. Allen’s is not to be commended. In the first place it would raise perfect hob with all the be gats in the Bible. If they were removed, confusion would be caused in all our leading Jewish families because none of their m members would be able to tell who was related to wh HE. order of precedence among Philadelphia aristocrats some of whom trace back in a direct line to Noah, would be completely upset. We might even hear of estimable Phil delphians starving leath because, at the dinner-parties on which Philadelphians subsist, no one would know who had the right to go in to the table first h their invariable regard for etiquette they would hang back until doubtless many « them, particularly the aristocratic old ladies, would perish for the lack of terrapin In Virginia it might not be so bad because at lk three per cent. of the inhabitants of that State already tr, their descent to Pocahontas who might possibly have been born in Ohio on one of her family’s scalp-picking tours. The evolutionists will not be greatly disturbed by what Dr Allen says, as they have always looked down on the Adam and Eve family with complete contempt, regarding their own de- st eighty- JUDGE Maxwett, Editor \. bi ntribis Editor 1. A. Watpros, 1 scent from the carly Simians as being far more distinguish in point of antiquity, any w In fact Messrs. Darwin, Spencer and Huxley have been known to smile rather superciliousls the mention of Cain and Abel. as though they regarded those youths as being of parvenu extraction Tre last surviving Knickerbocker in New York, wher tioned on this subject, expressed himself as being com pletely indifferent. He thought it much more significant of the decline of the world that the human race had on Fifth Avenue been completely supplanted by the Cloak and Suit Trade and as for himself he was about to take up his abode in Europe where it would still be his own personal affair whether or no he drank a glass of burgundy to his dinner. Further, he was free to remark, he was a pew-renter and had from his earliest child hood invariably gone to church on Sunday, but he did not care during his declining years to be compelled by law to spend the rest of the day sucking his thumbs. With which few remarks he quietly curled up and died in a perfectly well-bred manner. At Columbia University Dr. Allen’s discovery has created much excitement and some alarm. It has gone so far that on Friday evening the young ladies of the frest debate what to do about it. It is even proposed to withdraw the challenge which the ping-pong cleven sent to Harvard Yale takes the matter more philosophically. At the last meeting of the faculty a committee of three professors was appointed to examine Dr. Allen and find out what recipe he picion that per an class will was using. One member openly voiced the haps he forgot to put in the yeast Mayor Hylan of New York, having been instructed by Mr Hearst, has written a letter to the Board of Estimate in which he says in unmistakable language that Dr. Allen is trying to put something over but that so long as he is Mayor of this great city the downtrodden people shall never be permitted to pay more than a five-cent fare whether the cars run or not N its own account Jupcr is rather inchned to doubt the scientific accuracy of Dr. Allen. It is quite certain that outside of certain resorts on the Cuyahoga river front in Cleve land there are in Ohio no snakes that talk. This rather dis »ses of the Garden of Eden branch of the subject \st Society shows that the earliest Adam known to the oldest set tlers of the State was a colored man whose occupation was the investigation of the midnight habits of domestic poultry. He had cight wives. Among them was no Eve and they were all of black African, not red Indian, blood. ict search of the records of the Lima (O.) Gencalogi comicbooks.com