Judge, 1921-01-29 · page 13 of 32
Judge — January 29, 1921 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Along the Road" by Walt Mason This is a humorous story illustrated by Ralph Barton about automobile etiquette and rural encounters. The narrative follows a motorist who encounters two problems: **First scenario**: A pedestrian accepts a ride but annoys the driver with endless complaining about politicians, weather, and crops. The moral: hitchhikers should remain silent. **Second scenario**: The motorist hits and kills a farmer's prized pig. When the farmer arrives demanding compensation ("thirty bones"—slang for dollars), he emotionally appeals to the driver by describing the pig's pedigree and value. The driver, moved by the farmer's tears and guilt, pays up despite the pig's fault. The satire mocks both bad manners (the talkative hitchhiker) and the farmer's manipulation through sentimentality. The title illustration shows the confrontation between the motorist and angry farmer with the damaged vehicle. The piece reflects early 20th-century attitudes toward automobiles as luxury items and rural-urban class tensions.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
— i AVS HELL HAVE THE LAW on KS THRE: Along the Road By Wait UMlustration 6 LONG the road T blithely spin, in my nice lime of tin; the wes ivinely fair, and there is tonic in the air, and much I pity those who can’t get out like me and gallivant A man on foot is just ahead: he plods along with weary tread: he looks at me, pathet some can meet that sort of gaze, and tin, and sine eved, and. speechless begs me tor a ride. O) go unmoved diz say. “Oh, wanderer, get int And he gets in and takes a seat, and on the carpet par but I pull up my ear t.and then he talks a dreary streak that leaves me jaded, wat ind weak. He talks of all the things [ hate; of statesmen who neglect to state, of politics in every guise. official liars and their lies. and of the weather and the crops talks and talks, and never stops And when [dump him from my tx at TH not invite anoth “way Tsay “LU bet a silver jay to climb aboard and ride Oh, walkers on the highway wide, when some one offers 1 ride, step modestly into the car, and do not swing your jaw ajar. Perhaps the man who drives the wain has private thoughts upon his brain; perhaps he doesn’t care two bricks what you may think of politics; perhaps he hungers for no yawps about the weather and the crops So keep. while pistons choo and chug. a silencer upon your mug. glide. nd so you'll always get ¢ ride, when shining autos by you R 3 Mason \LpH Barton Along the country road I roam, some twenty parasangs fi home, and presently I break a cog by running down a farmer's hog. The swine deserved the death it died, for all the road rules it defied, while I was burning up the soil according to the rules of Hoyle. And now the farmer comes apace, with righteou face. He says he'll have the law on m bucks three Pay thirty bones!” spoiled a tire! That pig.” the farme! bucks tome. Its pedigree was out Chester White. destined to win this fall at the county fair. He was my solace and my pride. the finest in the countryside. the staff of my declii while I shed some tears. And now you come. with your cheap car, and from that creature knock the tar, and balk at shelling thirty bones, despite my anguished sighs and groans.” Oh. T could face the farmer's ire. and sass him like a house atice: but when he leans against my neck and sheds the briny by the peck, he gets my goat and I disburse the hard-carned contents of my purse And all the critters [ may slaw are pedigreed, the same old y. The scrubby hen on which [ swoop was from some monarch’s royal coop; the mongrel pup becomes a dear that cleaned the bench shows up last year. All sorts of things my spirit goad as L choo-choo along the anger on his g Up saw unless I ¢ Tery. in ire; “and your blamed pig has says. “by chee. ¢ first prize gf Years—excuse me x comicbooks.com