Judge, 1920-12-04 · page 5 of 32
Judge — December 4, 1920 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Last Quart" - A Christmas Tale This page presents a short story by Ellis Parker Butler titled "The Last Quart," a satirical Christmas tale about the final bottle of whiskey remaining on Earth. The narrative concerns a wealthy man, John Juggs, who invites distinguished guests to witness him drink this last quart—an apparently absurd premise meant to mock both prohibition-era anxieties and the pretensions of wealthy collectors. The accompanying illustrations by Calvert Smith and Paul Bransom depict a snow-covered colonial house and John Juggs with his dog, visualizing the story's setting. The satire targets the obsessive materialism of the ultra-wealthy and the cultural anxieties surrounding alcohol scarcity, likely referencing Prohibition's impact on American society.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ty we The Last Quart A Christmas Tale Dedicated to the Once Flowing Bowl By IiLLis PARKER HIS is the story of the last quart of whiskey remain- ing on earth, and of its end. fore set the date of this story as De admit at once that it is a story of the ima The story begins like this historic moment. It was the hour of midnight. In one moment more the clock would strike and a century would die and the last quart on earth would be drained, fitting libation to death of the twenti eth century.” I consider that a remarkably good beginning for the story. Ith quality; it is a distinguished begi ning is classy. Few but IT could have written it. I consider myseli in all respects a wonderful writer. The story continues: “This last. ultimate, final bottle of red eye was the property of John Juggs, multi- millionaire, and his friends ha gathered to see him drink this last quart. He had invited them, using specially engraved. invitations which dare not say it is a true story. said it was a true story you would know I was lying, because it will be a long, long time before the very last quart of private stock comes to its end. ember 25th, 2000, and HAD A CHIMNEY AS BIG luthor of I do not say it is a Wi ination. “Tt was an awful, a terrible. an On the table, around which the thirteen men sat, stood the last bottle of whiskey remainin Drown by Pact Retr “TL DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO STICK AROUND THIS OLD GEEZER OR START FOR THE FIVE-\ND: TEN-CENT STORE. I there on carth THOSE, MAYBE OLO SANTA WoULD come To Us! 3UTLER Pigs Is Pigs” read, ‘You are invited to see John Juggs drink the last quart of whiskey remaining in the world.’ Now they were gathered together and the bottle stood on the table, the cork pulled, and one crystal clear glass before John Juggs. ‘Gentlemen,’ he said, arising, ‘Lam about to drink the last quart of —’, but at that instant the clectric lights went out.” I need hardly confess, now, that this is one of those stories in which something is stolen and the host says, “Gentlemen, the doors have been locked. In a moment I shall turn out the lights and count one hundred slowly. When the lights are turned on I shall expect to sce the stolen article on the table. I do this because we are all gentlemen and T don’t want to search you and thus prove that one of my friends is a thief. I prefer to give the guilty man a chance to return the loot Once in his life every author hopes to write one of these “Gentlemen, I shall count one hundred” stories. I have always longed to write one and m doing so. I consider it a All right; let’s go about to drink the last quart of—" said John Juggs, but at that instant the lights went out. For a few moments there was confusion in the room—sharp c dismay, movings to and fro, coughs, sneezes, double-shuffle done thing and another. Then John Juggs found the now Tg masterpiece. “Tam es of s