Judge — November 27, 1920 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Fortune—"I hear that Smith and Jones have formed a partnership.” “Yes. one of them owns a pint of vermouth and the other has a con- trolling interest in a pint of gin, so theyre going to amalgamate.” —Brown- s Magazine, His Attitude—"“What is your atti- tude on the liquor question?” “Well, I'll tell you. You don’t happen to know where we can get some, do you?” Det Free Press Bottled Courage—" Is this stuff guar- anteed to make a rabbit slap a bulldog in » dear sir.” said the bootlegger with a pained expression, “This. stuff will make a tenant snap his fingers under his landlord's nose.” “Tl take two quarts.” I ee- Herald. Birmingham Unconscious Irony—As the liner left the wharf at New York the free and en lightened American citizen heaved a sigh of re “T guess I'll have a highball.” he said to the steward. “TL guess not, sir.” replied the affable teward; “not yet.” “Why not?” said the U.S. A This is a British ship, isn’t it?” “Yes, sir.” Then why can’t [ have a drink?” “We have not yet passed the Statue of Liberty, sir,” replied the steward man London Soulful Plea—Siranger (at the bar Slip me a shot, won't you? Barkeep—Vou may be a dry agent for wl T know. Stranger am!—Buflal sbody) knows how Express. dry I The Departed—" It is custe say a good word for the departed, and in this connection it can be truthfully said of the lamented Mr. Booze, that no one had more enemies in public or more friends in Ashland (Mo,) Bugle. private.” Not Hlegal Information—“I'm a stranger in your town,” said the man with the red nose toa man he met on the street. “Yes, the polite reply. “What can I do for you?” “I'm seeking informa’ a “Ll do all 1 can to help you, stran; “Where can I get a hard drink?” “T really don’t know.” “But you said you'd do everything you could to help you. “So I will, There's a man who lives across the street who has a ouija board. You might go and consult that.”— Yonkers Statesman. sir.” was wno was Hasner?” er—AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF SUCH IGNORANCE AT YOUR AGE? Brine tn Brate axp ULL soon snow you w “ue was!—Tyrihans (Christiania). Her Reason—£it—Why do you let Mr. Goodcatch call you by your first name? Maud—I want to encourage him to help me get rid of my last name.—Boston Transcript. An Old Story—Blondine—For all the world I wouldn’t be a manicure. Brunctta—Why not? Blondine—'d be afraid of getting so L wouldn't feel a thrill when a man held my hand.—Voungstown Telegram. Seeing Is Believing—Mrs. Steunke— We need some new rugs, dear, Her Hushand—Don’t we need blankets more? “Yes; but’ who Answers (London). sees blankets?”"— The Soft Answer—It was the sweet scent of the lilies in the conservatory, the beauty of the young girl’s hair, or the ex- cellent champagne he had taken at sup- per, that led to his proposing in the ob- scurity beneath a palm, “It can't be,’’ she said. “Iam un- worthy of vou. “Oh, rubbish! id he. “It is true—it is true!” And she sighed “You. are an angel!” he said ar- dently, No, no. you are wrong!” said the girl “Lam vain, idle, silly, utterly unfit to be your helpmate through life.”” He laughed lightly; then said in a soothing voice “Why, this is sheer madness! What sort of a wife do you think T ought to have?” “A very wise, deliberate, practical 1,” she replied; “one lary! "Scranton