Judge, 1920-11-06 · page 9 of 32
Judge — November 6, 1920 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Success in Life: A Satire on Wealth and Health This 1920s-era piece by Walt Mason satirizes the American obsession with material success. The cartoon depicts three wealthy men at a seaside resort, all visibly suffering from ailments—a commentary on the irony that money cannot buy health. Mason's sermon argues that true success means freedom from physical pain, not wealth or status. The narrator, initially envious of the rich, discovers that millionaires suffer identical afflictions: asthma, gout, dental problems. The joke undercuts the "self-made man" mythology of the era—that accumulating riches solves life's problems. The detailed complaints about dentists, digestive issues, and chronic pain reflect early 20th-century anxieties about modern life's toll on bodies. The final irony: even the healthy envy the rich for possessing automobiles ("choo-choo carts"), suggesting no class escapes dissatisfaction. The satire mocks both wealth-worship and the perpetual human tendency to want what others have.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ALAS, WE ARE A MOURNIUL Bt Success By Wat n by lustrat “QHIS is a sermon, Jakes and Janes, [ may as well confess: If you are free from aches and pains, your life is a success. It matters not if y poor, or bullion-loaded-down; I care not if you a wide renown. If you are are obscure, or have free from aches and pains, and have no use for pills, oh, sound loud triumphant strains, ye happy Jacks and Jills! I used to view the millionaire with envy in my heart, and ink if I had wealth to spare all troubles would depart. I the rich man rolling by in his dark limousine, and said, “This is just a pie when one has good long green.” 1 saw the rich man’s mansion rise, imposing and sublime, and looked thereon with jealous eyes, and thought my lot a crime. And I was hale and husky then, and knew no grievous aches I'd whip a bobcat in its den, or lick a pair of snakes. My works were all in good repair and [ could e steak and have no anguish anywhere, no fierce internal ache. My cylinders were hitting fine, my spark plugs never failed; it was a luxury to dine, no punishment entailed. And now I'm at a seaside grad, where million: and they are grim and pale and sad, and ma We sit beside the sobbing sea and tell, with mournful pride. of things we cat that don’t agree with our poor works inside We talk of fever and of chills, we tell how tough we feel; we tell sad tales of purple pills we take before each meal res abou a doleful sou EACH ONE A STRICKEN MAN.” if bite Mason Rap Barton Alas, we are a mournful bunch cach one a stricken man; and when it’s time to cat our lunch we fill ourselves with bran. And just beside me, at my right, there is a millionaire; his asthma makes him gasp all night, propped upright in his chair And at my left there is a scout whose wealth is something great, and he is tortured by the gout 1 fate. And I have all for which I yearne ing and gay, when high ambitions in me burned (they burn no more today!) You see upon my bulging brow a green alfalfa wreath; but that’s no comfort to me now—they've pulled out all my teeth. Five painless dentists came to me, with harrowing harangues, an d then beside the mourning sea they pulled out all my fangs. Five painless dentists sought my den, extracted all my snags, and bore away my iron men in little leather bags What care I if the welkin hums with popular applause? You ou 1 mark my aching jaws! Men say that I have won success in this mad worldly game but I am full of dire distress—what do I care for fame? I'm pacing up and down my coop on tired and dragging feet; 1 have to fill myself with soup because I cannot cat. When I behold a healthy man who's sound in wind limb, I say to all our ailing clan elongs to him! But there is sorrow in his heart and in his soul a wail, because he owns no choo-choo cart to knock the speed laws pale. and rails at life when T was yc ht to sce my toothless gums access |