Judge — September 25, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aon ccm eee A Good Thing—Mrs. Botts, a Mobile darky, was calling upon a_ neighbor, Mrs. Shepherd. “Ah notices yo" is housecleanin’,” ob: served Mrs. Botts. “Yes, Ah is,” replied Mrs. Shepherd “Dey ain't nothin’ like movin’ things ‘round once in a while. Why, Mrs Botts, Ah jes’ come across a pair of slip- pers under de baid dat Ah ’ain’t scen fo’ a couple of yeahs.” —Marper’s Magazine. Standing It—A dusky chaufieur who recently brought the frame of a big truck from Detroit to Youngstown, rode part of the way sitting on the gas tank, but the seat was so hard he soon became tired of it. “Ah don’t sce how you could stan’ it, Henry,” a friend observed. “Stan’ it,” Henry replied. “Mah goodness, dat’s jes what Ah couldn't do nothin’ else but."”"—Youngstown Tele gram, Ethnological—A traveler who alighted from the train in a small Southern town was greeted by a colored porter, who shouted at him, and grabbed the tr: ’s baggage, and the latter said, “Wait a minute, Rastus. Is this hotel American or European?” and Rastus replied, “I dunno, boss, but I thinks they’se Irish.”"—San Fran Chronicle Suburban Delights—Lem Lightfoot lives on the edge of town where he earns a fair wage by working on an adjoining farm. A particular pet of Lem’s is a small pig, which is as playful as a pup, and fully as tame. A friend visiting Lem the other eve- ing inquired: “How you like it out hea Ah like it fus rate.”” Own de house?” “Yassah.”” “Is dat yo’ pig runnin’ aftah you dataway?” Yessah.” “No wonda you is happy.” “Yessah.” “In town we has to pay all we ask for pig meat like dat, while out heah you has yo’ own po’k chops just trottin’ roun’ at yo’ heels all day long.”—Youngstown Telegram. h, Lem?” ught at Last “Wer, wert! Here's A NEW ARTICLE ABOUT A MAN WHO WAS KNOCKED DOWN BY AN AUTOMOBILE LAST NIGHT.” “THAT's NOTHING NEw.” “Yrs, BUT THEY ARRESTED THE CHAUFFEUR No Second Bid for Him—A rural darky in Georgia, of little experience in traveling, presented himself to the ticket agent at the railway station and in- quired the price of transportation to Macon. “Three dollars and forty cents,” said the agent. Oo!” exclaimed the darky is high! I'd rather walk.” And off he started. He had not pro- ceeded very far when the train came along, whistling as it neared the station. Yo’ necdn’t wistle fo’ me,” mut- tered the darky as he trudged along. “LT made yo’ an offer oncet an’ yo wouldn't take it. So yo’ kin go on, train. I ain't a-comin’ wif yo’.”” hoboth Sunday Herald. “dat shore The Gourse of Empire “How oxp ts THs Expire carr? “ABOUT ONE HUNDRED AND TEN YEAR “Haven't you an Empire cnark wuicit IS AT LEAST THREE HUNDRED YEARS OLD?” —Klods Hans (Copenhagen mus time." —A Careta (Rio de Jancire —Assistant—We cannot re- issue that film, that’s certain. Movie Magnate—Why not? Assistant—It contains a department store scene, with signs of real, honest-to goodness suits, readin; Extra Pair of Pants Free.”—Film Fun. Movie Tragedy—*The lips should move when you are supposed to be speaking. Now in this scene you de- nounce your husband, so let your jaws work.” “All right,” responded Pauline Per fection, “Gimme a wad of gum.”"—Film Fun, Ambitious A— Did you meet any movie stars while you were in Califor- nia?” No,” replied the cheerful tourist, but I met a waitress in a restaurant who said she was going to be one.” —Birming ham Age-Herald. } afraic Too Much Like Work—* I'm I'll have to refuse your kind invitation to go to the football game,” said the famous motion picture actress. “Why? asked her friend in / sur prise. “I cannot enjoy the games. The cheer leaders, shouting at me with their megaphones, make me so nervous.”— Film Fun.