Judge — August 21, 1920 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Free Medical Advice—“So the doc- tor told you to go to a warmer cli- mate. What was the nature of the trouble?” “I went to him to collect a bill."— Detroit Gateway All Titled—The doctor's family had just moved into a more exclusive resi- dence district and all the members were given to boasting over this. en the nine-year-old daughter told of it to her small playmates at school. “Why, it’s just like having a title,” she ended. “ Everything that comes to our place has written on it after our names, ‘Collett Place.’” Another little nine-year-old sniffed very disdainfully. ‘Oh, if that is what you mean, we've got one too,” she in formed the audience, “and it’s almost like your'n. Right after our name on everything that comes to our house, they write, ‘Collect, please.’ —Indianapolis ws. Treat It Rough—“ Doctor, a week ago you gave me something that you said s good for my dyspepsia.” Vell, now suppose you give me some- thing that’s bad for i. I think it’s been humored enough." —Boston Transcript Old Story She—Dip you near avout Mrs. Fas LEIGH'S MOTOR ACCIDENT? Wuat warrenen? WE RAN HER OWN HUSBAND DOWN. T, SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT EVER SINCE SHE WAS MARRteD'—Looker-On (Cal- eutta) Rank—Sick Billjim—I’'m not feeling too good, doctor. Irritable Camp Doctor (who likes his military rank recognized)—There are no doctors here. Sick Billjim (getting it in)—Beg par- don, sir, I oughter ha’ known—my cob- bers warned me about that.—Sydney Bulletin. The Whir of Industry “Twist LAD ANOTHER PLACE IN THE OFFICE.” “Way, pors MAYeR’s SNORING KEEP YOU FROM WORKIN! “No. From strerinc!"—Meggendorfer Blactter (Munich). 20 Lost Treasure—Out in the wilds of No Man’s Land the lieutenant on patrol encountered a dusky private, anxiously searching the ground on hands and knees. “Here, you,” he demanded gruffly. “What the devil are you doing out here? “Suh,” replicd the darky with tears in his eyes, “Ah’s lookin’ fo’ mah buddy's hand what got shot off heah.” “Oh, I'm sorry,” exclaimed the officer, touched at such a friendship. “But that’s no use, you know. His hand will never do him any good row.” “No, suh, tain’t dat, but when it got shot off it done had mah bes’ pair ob dice in it."—American Legion Weekly. How He Did It—One of the very sub- stantial men of a thriving town in the West is named Garry McIntyre. One day, in conversation with a number of soldiers from a military post nearby, he said: “T understand you lads are going on a hike. When you reach Snake River take a good look at it. It’s full of undercur- rents and eddies. Boys, I am the only living man who ever swam that river.” Several days later the men crossed the Snake River on a cable ferry. The ferry- man chanced to inquire, quite casually, of a waiting soldier: “Do you know a man down in your country by the name of Garry McIntyre? They tell me he has accumulated a lot of money.” “T was talking to him only the other day,” said the soldier. “He told me he swam Snake River once.” That’s right, he did,” said the ferry- man. “He sure did; but we were all shooting at him.”—Philadelphia Ledger. Why He Waited—Abraham Washing. ton Jackson Lee, drafted from Alabama, was going through his initiation in the care of horses. The stable sergeant dropped around to see that all his instruc- tions had been ob “Well,” he demanded, “have you groomed all the horses?” ned out their hoofs?” in’t do that for a while, tin’ all dis —American ‘em all day, and I'se been time for ’em to lay down.” Legion Journal.