Judge — July 31, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cleopatra and Economics If Cleopatra lived to-day She weuldn’t have a chance; She wouldn't vamp old Tony; She wouldn't have romance; She'd never wear creations fine That had been brought from France. She'd never have a million serfs, For servants can’t be found; ‘d never get old Tony gay For there's no wine around; She never, never could compete With girls so scantly gowned She couldn't live in old New York- To a farm she'd have to For judged by modern standards She had but little dough And she'd have to vamp a plumber, Or be poor and live in woe. Vale Record. Dry Fact We fought for the freedom of Cuba in ‘98 and now we have to go there to enjoy it.—Cor- nell Widow And Other Things Vow—Well, they say that money orld go around. —That's nothing, so does whiskey. —Le Burr makes the “Isn't there Everybod: about Clarissa “What “Well, at th last night her gown actu- ally had both a back and a bodice.” —Cornell a“ He Wanted to Know \ man got in a cab at the Richmond railway station and said Drive me to a haberdasher’s.” “Yaas, suh,” said the driver, whipped up his horse and drove a block; then, leaning over to address his passenger, said Scuse me, boss, but whar d’yu say you wanter go?” “To a haberdasher’s.” “Yaas, suh, yaas, suh.” After another block there was the same performance. “'Scuse me, boss, but whar d? yu say yu wanter go? » a haberdasher’s, patient reply Then came the final appeal “Now, look a-here, boss, I be’n drivin’ in dis town 20 years, and I ain't never giv’ nobody away yit. Now you jes’ tell dis niggar whar "t is you wanter go." —Minnesota Foolscap. * was the somewhat im What a Knockout of a Joke! “Every t I have an argument with my wife L enter it in a small diary.” “Sh—I see. You keep a little scrap-book.” Columbia Jester 28 Or Was It Heredity “My darling!” exclaimed Waldemar soulfully Without relaxing his hold about her waist, he drew Querentia close to him. Then, tilting her chin a trifle with trembling hand. he s! grip to her shoulders. Bendi slightly turning his head, he pass: the vetal-like lips, four distinct times. erentia,”” he breathed, “I love you. You are the first girl T have ever kissed.” She nestled closer to him. “Ah,” she whispered, “is not instinct won derful?"— Kansas Sour Owl. ed his loser and ately kissed Lines All Right The verse she writes may be uncouth; Of gracefulness it bears no signs; But though her rhymes are bad, forsooth Who does not love to scan her lines? Illinois Siren. Jealousy “Esther told me L was the first boy that ever kissed her.” “Too bad she had such a poor scart State Froth, Penn One Thing Sure Co-ed (showirg her new diamond)—Do you think Jack's love for me is truc? prity Sister—Well, there's a good ring to it, Kansas Sour Owl. anyway. He—No use ing to be too hota dance. —Stanford Chaparral A comicbooks.com