Judge — July 3, 1920 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“My future widow,” said he, through the facial but- tonhole, “disappeared from her room this rorning just after eight, just after she ate her breakfast. She had just received a mysterious letter.” “Tt must have been ‘Y,’ then,” said Ferret eagerly, | “of all letters I have found that the most mysterious.” Mr. Jellyjumper didn’t quite agree. He had always, being rather susceptible, been more affected by I’s. “Here is the envelope in which the letter, when it was inside, was in it. The maid heard it fall, and entered the room— but lo, Myrtle was invisible to the naked eye.” “Myrtle,” mused Ferret, “T used to have a pet flea named Myrtle.” He examined the envelope carefully—smelt it, tasted it, listened, and finally turned it inside out. But alas, there was no trace of Myrtle. He turned it inside out, and then outside in—he looked un- der the stamp. No. Indubitably Myrtle was not there. “You loved her?” he asked, concealing his feet for the nth time behind his calves. “Thoroughly,” replied the ambitious bridegroom. “Then we must look at the post-mark. Ha! [ thought so—New York! Mr. Jellyjumper, your bride is in Manhattan. It only remains to fine her.” Drawn by Nave Couten Cuarter II Ferret Psychologizes EXHAUSTED by his efforts of the morning, Ferret went home and slept heavily for several hours. When he woke up he knew by the aroma of cabbage in AR WALKER Drawn by A. B. Watxxn Isperenvence Day—anp Satu Is tHE Oxty One tx tue Grour Wuose Foreratuers Sicyep tHe Ceresratep Dectaration 6 "Twas Ever Tuus Just as You Fixasit Sprinxtinc te Laws if the air, atmosphere, nostrils and vicinity that it was noon o'clock. Long he lay on his horse- hair couch in a_ peaceful semi-comatose state. He was wondering what to do, if anything. Finally something occurred to him. A more experienced thinker would have recognized it instantly asa thought. But to Ferret, unaccustomed to such psy- chic phenomena, it was only a vague, far away misty something, like a sort of second cousin to a headache in the backyard of his brain. Often, indeed, he had mis- taken this mysterious cer- ebral activity for his suspend- ers giving way, or some such mortifying symptom. The name of his thought was: Investigate Myrtle’s m. He would look under her mattress for her—nobody had thought of that. Per- haps he would rip up the carpet and find her skelling- ton weltering beneath. There might be blood on the ceiling, or a wisp of human hair in the water pitcher. Perhaps at breakfast some dangerous cheese had bitten her, driving her mad; _ or a wild oyster, frenzied and desperate, had crawled down her throat, laid his cold clammy stomach against her cpiglottis, and wept there, tillshe died. But this was almost too good luck. But at any rate he would find something. He hoped it would be good to eat. , Cuarter ILL. In Myrtle’s Very Room AND sure enough, he did find something. If why write the story? He had finished examin- ing the air outside her win- dow to ascertain if she had jumped through it; he had gone through her bureau drawers and inspected all her revolvers, hat pins and other deadly weapons; he had seen that her purse was not loaded. He was about to give it all up, when he noticed on the floor, a scrap of paper shaped like a patch in a Patagonian’s pants. On it he read: . You must come at once or... last chance, You love .. . be happy. $89.98 will . . . never re- gret it. not, So Myrtle had indeed elopen! Ferret took up the