Judge — July 3, 1920 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Fatal Flaw — “The Germans,” said Senator Williams, “frankly pursued for 40 years a policy that had a fatal flaw in it. “The Germans were like the chap who said in a sanctimonious tone one evening to his wife: “How happy I am this evening, dear! I have done three good deeds today.’ “What were they?’ said the wife. “On the way to business,’ said he, ‘I saw a young woman weeping on a church step with a baby on her knee. I asked her what the trouble was and she said that she had walked seven miles to have her baby christened and now found that she had lost her money on the way. “ T told her to cheer up, handed her a Simplicity roel “Wow, but he’s a boob, that fellow! I gave him’a good licking just as a joke, and now he thinks I meant it in carnest!” —Lustige Gesellschaft (Berlin). $5 bill and bade her have the child christened and bring me the change. She did so—she did so gratefully—and thus, my dear, I did three good deeds: I per- formed, first, an act of charity; I started, second, a little child in the way it should go; and I got, third, four good dol- lars for a bad five-spot.’ "—Washington Star. Miracle It Is—Said Chauncey De- pew recently: “I have been 54 years with the New York Central and at 86 years of age I am the senior of any rail- road man in active service in the world. A friend of mine, also of my age, who did not look his years, went tothe Yale commencement, and one of the younger undergraduates said to him, ‘What class are you?’ He named it. The under- graduate said, ‘You ought to he about 85 years old, then, or more.’ ‘Yes,’ said he, ‘that is what I am.’ ‘Well,’ said the young fellow, ‘if that is so, there is one of two things: you are either a miracle or a damned liar.”—Magaszine of Wall Street. Fresh Tongue a Specialty ane ne u “But tell me, doesn’t that dog of yours ever eat up any of your meat?” “Oh no, ma'am. He just licks it.” —Le Péle-Méle (Paris). Novelists—William Dean Howells was talking about the American novelist, new style and old. “A novelist of the new style,” he said, “pulled up his Rolls-Royce on Fifth avenue one afternoon and hailed an old- style novelist, who was just coming out of the Public Library. “Well, Bill,’ said the new-style nov- elist, ‘have you had any press notices lately? I had 37 this morning—nine about my divorce, six about my new car, three about what I like for dinner, two about my 105 suits of clothes, five about my lost $2,000 bulldog and about the funny anecdote I told the Prince of Wales during his New York visit. Now, how about you, Bill? Any press notices today?’ “‘Only one,’ the old-style novelist answered meekly. ‘Only one, Bob. Only a review which said that my new novel was well written.’ ’—IWashington Star. A Jonah Thought—Gen, Leonard Wood said at a dinner in Washington: “The front was a merry place, a grimly merry place. I wasn’t long at the front, but long enough to see that. “I remember a motto that I saw scrawled over the entrance of a dangerously situated dugout. It sai “When you're down, think of Jonah. He came out all right.’”—Washington Star. Lady Friends—“My mother was a beauty. The most lovely woman I have ever known.” “Umph! I suppose you take after your father.”—Tyrihans (Christiania). Consequences—Miranda—Did you ever flirt when you were young, auntie? Auntie—I'm afraid I did, my dear. Miranda—And were you punished for it? Auntie—Well Uncle George. — —I_ married » York World. your Sense of Responsibility—“Do you take your wife’s advice?” “Usually,” replied Mr. Chuggins. “But when we're out together in the family flivver and the works go wrong, I kind o’ wish she wouldn’t try to tell me what the matter is, instead of letting me do my own guessing.” —Washington Star. Two Views—“What you spend for a hat would pay the grocer’s bill.” Wife—That just shows how economi- cal I am in the marketing.—Boston Transcript. Before the Engagement—“And don’t forget, Arthur, I come of a very good family. I have made inquiries about father and mother through an In- vestigation Bureau.” —Fliegende Blaetter (Munich). More War—Mrs. Styles—I want one of those new military bonnets, dear. Mr. Siyles—How much are they? “About $35, L believe.” “I can’t afford that, and, besides, I don’t see why you want a military bonnet. You're not going to fight, are you, dear?” “I am if I,don’t get that bonnet.”— Yonkers Statesman. Jazz-So Floorwalker—Ribbon department? Yes, madam; allow me to dance you to don Opinion. 20